You were one of the smartest men (intellectually) I have ever met, which makes it even crueller the twist of fate that landed you with OCD and it’s difficult neuroses.
Living with you was tough. Looking back I often had butterflies in my tummy trying to soothe you, making sure I didn’t do anything “wrong” (such as bring shoes into your ‘clean’ spaces) to keep your emotions in some sort of equilibrium.
I was only 24 when we were together so children were a long way off for me anyway, but when you said you didn’t want children I remember feeling surprised/shocked and thinking “ahh, he’ll change”.
Now, many years later, I’m the happy mum of two young children and I occasionally think of you and think thank goodness you knew yourself so well that you said this to me, as it was part of what helped me make my decision to end things.
Kids bleed, vomit, have to go to the doctors and get very dirty all the time, and this would have honestly sent you over the edge (and me too, seeing as the number one positive attribute to have for parenting is teamwork).
I do hope your OCD is more under control now and you are able to just shine your brilliance into whatever world you are inhabiting. And I simply hope you’re happy.