How you made me feel.

How you made me feel.

How you made me feel.

I am just so confused. How could you? Why did you? Those are the two answers that I don’t think I’ll ever get. Ending it with you was the hardest thing I’ve had to do, I mean I love you, I wanted everything with you, we planned living together, we planned our marriage we planned babies, we even planned their names. And yes, at 21 that may seem to early but it felt so right.

It was so right. But then as soon as you are at uni, the drinking and the socials are more important to you. Reading the conversation of going home with someone else that you had with your friend cut so deep (and yes I am gutted that its ruined my memories of TGI’s forever) but WHY?! All I ever did was be there for you, do everything with you; we relied on each other for everything. How could you decide that being a ‘lad’ was more important?

I just don’t understand. I gave you everything, I loved you more than anything. Even your sister is saying sorry to me because of how you’ve acted but still you don’t understand. It’s like you’re so spoiled and used to getting what you want  that you think that applies to girls as well. This I understand. What I don’t understand is how you can treat women with such disrespect when you’ve cried to me over your dad leaving, your dad treating your mum like shit and then you go and do the same. It’s like you have no morals. You dont seem to realise how your actions would hurt someone else. It’s like you can’t see how anyone feels apart from yourself. It’s like turning up at my house wanting company and wanting comfort on the days you have nothing on. As soon as your mates are out, that’s more important.

It hurts when you give your life to someone, after finally letting go of a lot of depressed, attachment and trust issues, to just let them make it a trillion times worse. How and why could you do that to someone you love? Part of me is ok about it, I mean, I’ll meet someone who is mature enough to be in a serious relationship in the first place, and realise that it’s all that matters. I mean you get one life, and you chose to spend a year getting wrecked than a lifetime of happiness. I GAVE YOU THE OPTION – I said I thought you weren’t ready for a relationship yet, did you wanna be mates until you were, and you said ‘no, I want you, I love you’. If you’d only have said no then. I could have accepted it, we could still be friends. But its all ruined.

Our whole lifetime plans are ruined because you’d rather be part of a social for 8 months than anything that may be special. Because we were special, we got along as mates, as well as partners. But you just couldn’t do that, you had to be a lad and ruin it all. And now I’m stuck with the horrendous process of replanning my life without you and it HURTS. And I wish I could make you feel even an ounce of what you made me feel, but I won’t because as long as you have your socials you’re happy. I hope in a couple of years you realise what you gave up for that. I hope you realised how much I loved you and how I would do anything for you.

You’ll have a hard time finding anyone else to understand you as much as I did but you blew it Mike, you blew it because being a lad is more important to you. HOW COULD YOU?! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING, I WANTED EVERYTHING, WHY WOULD YOU TREAT ME LIKE THAT?!!!!!!!!! Yes I was a bit of a nightmare, but you’ll never find a girl who will put up with such lack of respect and immaturity as much as I did.

1 Comment

  1. Sarah 5 years ago

    Louise my heart goes out to you and I hope you are on the mend

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