To the one that i gave it all up to.

I swear this will be the last letter that i will write to you/about you and i hope one day i have the courage to send it to you but i know i won’t but still.

It will be a year on the 19th of march just a week before my birthday but i won’t let you ruin this year like you did last year. Believe me it’s painful saying this but i think watching you move on this past year helped me realize how i didn’t mean anything for you almost 2 years wasted from my life because i thought you loved me.

I can’t even go a day without thinking of you i can go trough almost 5 hours but than you come right back to my mind. I try to push you away and think of something else but at the end i think that you would come back and we will be happy again. You gave meaning of life and love to me you thought me that i shouldn’t trust everybody.

You’r not my facebook friend anymore and you can’t see what i post but i post every fucking quote referring to you and what you did to me. You made weaker and i cry a lot for you alone and everybody keeps telling me that I’m an idiot because a song comes on and it reminds me of you. I’ve been going trough a hard time and all i wanted was to be with you to be next to you. A few days ago i saw you with her you didn’t see me it hurts like hell cos you were smiling and you’r happy and hey I’m here feeling like shit cos what you wanted 2 months of space and you found her and i’m glad you found what you wanted from her.

I had hope that we might end up together or stuff but that hope is dead and gone i never gave up on anything but i’m giving up on us. Try and understand the pain i’v been trough cos I’m sure as hell you didn’t feel anything and you won’t feel anything for what you did. You did a lot of stuff but the worst one was giving up on me and on us. one day i’ll find someone who will make me happy and someone who will accept me as i am and someone who will never ever give up on us.

I’m writhing this letter with tears in my eyes and a smile on my lips cos guess what I’m ready to move on and I’m giving it all i have to move on and be happy without you in my life. I’m not going to dream about you in my future. You were such a big part of my life. you knew everything you saw me at my worst you saw my flaws you saw my curved body you saw my scars you saw me crying and you saw me smiling. Maybe my heart got broken cos i didn’t know that much about you 2 years weren’t enough for us to get to know each other maybe you knew too much about me that you got fed up. I mean who would date a girl like me right ? One day we are going to be older and we are going to meet at a park and i’m going to be with my husband and my children and you’r going to realize what you have lost.

I am sorry that i cared too much about you. Most of the time you weren’t sure that i really felt for you. And i am so sorry that i believed for 2 years that the thing between us was real and the feelings were real. I don’t know if you care of ever did or still do but i am drowning here.

As i said before It’s about damn time that i move on and be happy to not just fake it. I will always love and you will always have a big big big part of my heart but I have to be happy you know ?

Maybe in the future we will be friends again but until my feeling are still here bear with me that i think not talking to you would be helpful. (HAH)

Yours truly

CESCA :’)