I wish there was a set of words that could accurately describe what I feel about you. You were the first person I ever said I love you to, and the last one I meant it to even now, a year after we’ve broken up. I spent over 4 years with your lies, games, and manipulations. You made me feel like I was nothing in the end, when you were everything. When I think of what you did with all those girls, I despise you. But for some reason when I think of the good times I want your love again. I want to relive those amazing moments, but actually being over you has made me realize the sad truth that I will never be able to again. Not because you’re never going to come back, but because I am so much better than that.
It’s hard to accept that something is gone, and it can never come back in one piece. I’ve gone from waiting for texts from you and getting so pathetically excited when they came, and so destroyed when they didn’t, to now wishing you would stop trying to wiggle your way back into my life. It’s those few words you strand together that give me hope that you’ve changed and that maybe one day we can fulfill those plans I had written in your yearbook years ago that I do not want to see.
It’s amazing to be able to be so happy, confused, and nostalgic all at the same time, and sometimes I have no idea what I am feeling. But I do know one thing, I don’t want your texts anymore. I don’t want to feel the slightest sliver of hope that will be taken away after you make your exit again. It’s been too many times, I’ve been there done that. Everyone deserves to be happy, even you. If one day I am that woman who will make you happy then you better go across the damn ocean and back trying to prove to me you’re not the dirtbag I was with all those years. If you want a future with me, get off your phone and make some miraculous move that will MAYBE allow me to let you into my life again. Until then, enjoy the ignored texts because I’m doing just fine without you. Actually, better. I’m doing amazing.