I wish I had listened

I wish I had listened

I wish I had listened

November 14th, 2014

Dearest K_C

I know this is hard for you and that you have been hurting deep inside so I have decided to write you this letter of apology to show you much I love and care for you.

You are the most beautiful, loving and caring person that I’ve ever met and it was wonderful to have been with you. I am truly sorry that your views of me have been changed, you gave your heart to me to love, to cherish, to hold, to protect, to keep warm, to make your heart skip to the beating drums of my love for you, to nurture, to polish, to safe guard, to protect from undue pain but I failed.

A 1000 times over I have asked God why, why, why?” Why I hadn’t taken K_C’s heart and protect such gentleness?

You openly offered me your smile, beauty, your joy, your undivided attention, your unconditional love that was your choice,, your choice to love me, your choice to smile at me.

Please forgive me my darling and grant me this one moment to love you like no other. I maybe kind but at times not romantic, and without further adu I will drop all attitudes that do not promote a healthy relationship and love. I have started my reform and am convinced that there will be better days. My heart’s desire is to share those days with you and to make up to you until I leave this world.

There are no words that I can find to describe your beautiful personality and warm heart and your intellectual soul, being sympathetic and sometimes unpredictable.

Your sweet smiles have out shun the “ten billion trillion” stars of the heavens.  The tenderness of your inner soul shines brightly through-out your smiles and your laughter. Your quirky laugh still echoes in my ear. I would give you the world to be with me simply because of who you are. You have been my most loyal friend thou I was too blind to see.

I allowed my attitude to get the better of me which resulted in the breaking of my own heart and the infliction of undue pain and tears that I brought upon you. You did not deserve those hurtful comments; you did not do anything that I am not guilty of for you to be subjected to those insults. I am so so so sorry that no words can ever be enough to take away that pain.

I wish I had given you the opportunity to share your “Black Bird adventurous escapade” on November 3rd, 2014. Darling am very sorry and I owe you a life time treatment of care, spa’s massages and for you to be pampered in every way that’s earthly possible. There is no promise that I can make to win your heart over, however; I ask that you wait just one moment before we close this chapter of our lives. I know you love me and that love I would like to strengthen if you let me.

You are a gift of life and a present to any human being. I didn’t take the time to love you the way you had always wanted. Too often you told me that you simply love me and that was all you had asked for in return.

I have hurt you so painfully with insults and words that ripped through your heart, shredding your love for me to pieces, breaking down your strong spirit, but my darling, if you let me show you that there is the still that goodness deep within me that you found on that wonderful day when I first stare into those beautiful eyes.

I am writing you this letter as a bond to my promise to make you feel as special as you should be. How could I have been so blinded? You stayed with me throughout the trials and tribulations and gave me more support than anyone has ever done for me since the day I first breathe that air of life, you are that air of life that flows through my body, mind and soul, the blood that flows through my veins.

We are an imperfect human being and we are all prone to make“1000” mistakes from time to time. On the contrary you are the perfect darling who has refrained from anger, annoyance, misery, conflicts, fights and trivial matters that you so choose to ignore to ensure that there was always peace. There have been mistakes made on all sides and I have promised never ever to speak using words that are of the past tense. I could write to you for 1000 years if that’s what it takes to be your friend, lover, husband and lifelong partner.

I would love to visit your home town, meet your friends, your family to show you that I have let go off all past matters and more than prepared to spend 1000 years in your presence. I love you darling and I do believe that there is still an opportunity for us to do what we had promised each other. I could go far away from you to give you the space you desire and suffer in pain, but you have been the one and only one for me for the past years and I would love to know that I did all that was humanly possible to reform me and to treat you like love of my life.

You were fortunate enough to possess such magnet that drew me close to you many years ago, indeed you are a forward thinker and self-directed. No one can tell you how to live your life as you are a born revolutionary. You hated being shouted at or frowned upon, you are unique and like no other. You possess extreme amount of strength and endurance, a zesty character you are, very focused and determined to break chains once your mind is made.

You hate being controlled and dominated by others and that is why it is very hard for you to submit to insanely requests such as those obnoxious ones I laid on you. I know you desire to live your life in your own way, in such ways that are pleasing to you.

Your dreams and aspirations are aimed for success and to pursue happiness in ways that may achieve the fulfilment of your destiny exactly as my darling sees fitting. You are my inspiration thou I failed miserably to let you know, but now my darling, the words that I have spoken are true form the bottom of my heart to yours.

You say we are compatible and I would love for us to restart doing things we had done before, holidays, laughs and dinners, the good times, relive those sweet moments, those fiery and wild passionate moments.

You are perfect and you also possess those qualities that I yearned to gravitate to with extreme urgency. You have been a great communicator, very slow to stir misery, strife nor anger, “oh God”

You have your own ideas, approach and solutions to problems that I find immensely attractive and the willingness to forgive, forget and move forward.. A true forward thinker indeed!!!

You relate to others and the world with empathy and grace, you’re dynamic, lively in the way you present your personality to others and never a dull moment around you.

You’re very loyal when it comes to your most personal relationships and you thrive on creating a comfortable atmosphere in which you want other to enjoy. The touch of your gentleness stretches far to the wider Oceans, covering Mountains, spanning valleys, plains and the open seas overwhelming everything in its path.

I pray that I have said enough above to summarize the uniqueness of the wonderful qualities you hold so dearly and the deepest compassion of your heart. Your caring and sensitive nature steers you away from confrontation and conflicts, your choices in life is to mould with those that bring out the best in you. You were wonderfully made and will always be young at heart.

I am trying to improve the qualities that I have and to abstain from the bad habits which hurt you so deeply. I still believe that you are the best one for me and I just cannot spare one more day to lose you forever.   I am learning and paying a hefty price for the mistakes that I made and all that I have done has taught me a huge lesson that I will never ever forget.

I promise:

• For each breath that I take I will take one for you

• To be there when you need me

• Listen to you alone when we are together or apart

• Give you unconditional love, attention and affection

• Love you every second of each day that I breathe

• Caress you at every blessed beat of your warm heart

• Care for you today as if it was the last moment that I have left on earth

• Support all your needs

• Place no one before my darling

• Support you in every way

• Be your rock and strength

• Not to ever break your heart, your spirit or cry

• Strengthen you in times of trouble.

• Be your confidant and your friend

• Take you with me and be proud to have you by my side…. I could write a “1000” more, but I leave room for you to add those of your own..

You mean the whole world to me and I beg you to sincerely consider my apology and give me that last chance in your own time.

With lots of love!

RJ

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