Why I still care, even when it seems, it is not there for me.

Why I still care, even when it seems, it is not there for me.

Why I still care, even when it seems, it is not there for me.

Hey I am just in my feelings, once again i know. I really don’t know why… Everyone else seem to just go about there day and act like they don’t care about one each other so easily. I don’t know if that is how I was raised or my gene make-up but. It really does get to me sometime like. Why can’t I move on or at least act if i did? But even my family does this… I guess it is how god made me then. I have been really moving on though slowly but surely. With college and busy building up my future. Not to be wrong but I really feel I can’t take you back if you come running after I have truly started and moving. But I will always love you. Because I just did not see you as a lover, prize possession, or bestfriend. But as a actual family member as well. I usually don’t like beefing against family. So I don’t know how to really cope with the lost you gave me and I have been acting weird, (not myself.)

I am not sure which part of this painful process hurt more. You not talking to me or at least trying to see if i’m okay. Or feeling that you are with someone else when you should be working on yourself.See in the end I did not want to keep you feeling like I was hung up on you. I just did not want you to get hurt. Then come to me as all my other ex’s have done in the past. My ex while we were together had a agenda and I was stupid enough to actually believe she could just be my friend. but in the end she just wanted what we had and I told her no. In till we broke up and I was so broken and needed someone to talk to. Then we were going to meet up but I got drunk, cursed her out, and ran her away.

You are not the first at all to ask me to marry you babygirl. But I sure hope the last. I hope your strong enough not to take the easy way out because, I never really wanted to get back with a ex after a break-up but you I will. I wonder if you think of me like I think of you threw the days as they grow by and i secretly build. Waiting for that perfect moment to have everything ready, for when it’s time. But I can’t give it to you if you have not yet learned your own value after all these years. I am now married to myself and I made a commitment to do better and so I will.

My heart, soul, and myself is starting to reshape and take whole again. Since I never loved myself enough. But now embracing myself I feel the relationship within me will be stronger then ever. I mean it is “Till death do us part” after all. But anyways always know that I will love you and be here for you. I am now letting life take it’s course. I am proud the strong woman you are and it seems everyday you get stronger. I always admired you Love of my life. Till later days.

-Chocolate

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