I’m curious…

I’m curious…

I’m curious…

Matthew,

I SAW YOU IN THE HALLS TODAY.

But, as usual, you ignored me. You have since the day we broke up over a stupid, little mis-understanding.

You often wait outside my English class, and butterflies still flitter in my stomach. But, you’re not waiting for me. You’re waiting for friend. I can remember holding your hand like it was yesterday. I can remember the little notes we passed. I can remember how when our song came on, you’d look at me and sing it. I want that back, so so bad.

I also remember that one time I needed you and you told me no, I remember how you ignored me around you friends, I remember how I wanted to talk to you but I didn’t know what to say.

The one time I wanted to talk you after we broke up, you told me that you wanted nothing to do with me. You have ignored me ever since. I steal glances at you every now and then, but you’re too busy to notice me.

When you first started at the school, I thought you were amazing. You smiled, laughed, and acknowledged me presence. I told my friend I liked you, and surprisingly you liked me back. You only held my hand once, but I remember it like yesterday. You never told me you liked me, but that’s okay, because I knew.

Those little glances I steal at you, they make my day. And I am angry at that. I hate how even though we haven’t dated for four years, I still want you back. I hate it. I hate it so much, but I also love seeing you.

I hate how my heart betrays me like this. I wish I could stop liking you but I can’t. You’re in my head, in my heart, in my soul. And I hate it.

But I also secretly love it.

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