I’m sorry that…

I’m sorry that…

I’m sorry that…
E,
Even though I know this is over part of me can’t let go.  I know it’s only been a month since we broke up but time has never gone so slowly and I still wake up every morning thinking about you.
I hate feeling this vulnerable and I miss you with every fibre of my being.  There are a number of things I need to apologise for even though I know this won’t change your mind (much as I wish it would).
I’m sorry that I wasn’t more affectionate over the last few months.
I’m sorry that I fought you on everything.
I’m sorry that I didn’t listen more.

I’m sorry that I didn’t keep an open mind on moving with you back to your country if you wanted to.
I’m sorry that I was so down after bereavement that I didn’t meet your needs sexually.
I’m sorry if I hurt you by not listening.
I’m sorry that we got into a rut and I stopped making you feel special.
I’m sorry that I didn’t hear what you were saying you wanted for the future.
I’m sorry that that future is now gone and I understand why you no longer feel in love with me.
I’m sorry that I no longer get to wake up and go to sleep with you.
I’m sorry that I will no longer get to see your family and friends.
I’m sorry for all of this and I still love you more than anything.  At this point I don’t know how to move on and I can’t feel any motivation to do so.
I know that I need to get over this and be happy again but I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel – all I want is you and a future together.
I’m sitting alone in the flat I rented for us to move into and everywhere I look reminds me of you.  I don’t know why you don’t reply when I mention returning each others’ stuff but it makes me hope that you don’t want this to be over either.
I know that’s just residual hope and probably has no basis in reality but I don’t know how to deal with this loss.
I can’t focus.  That blank picture frame that I bought for us to fill with memories is sitting empty in the corner boring into my soul.
I still love you more than anything else in my life and it kills me being apart from you.
I couldn’t ask for any more than the opportunity to win back your love.

1 Comment

  1. Rachel @ LTME 3 years ago

    Very sad letter, brought tears to my eyes. I hope you guys can work it out or if not, that you can find some peace, J.

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