Okay so I miss you. There I said it. Before we talked Tuesday, I thought I was doing fine. Once you started talking about us, I tried to act cool like I didn’t want that to happen, but obviously now you know differently. Since then, I couldn’t help but think about us and all the good times. I like you again and it is quite annoying since I know you don’t like me that way anymore. It just feels like an empty void since I can’t talk to you. It feels like a whole piece of me is gone. Lame I know.
Obviously I’m glad to have met you even though sometimes I wish I could wake up with amnesia. You pushed me and obviously I need that. Because of what you said, I got a job and have been studying to get my permit and trying to go out more. Also you made me like cats and made me really wish I wasn’t afraid of animals. I loved exploring with you. I just wished I could have gone down to see you more often and explore down there. Also you were my first boyfriend and first kiss so you’ll always have a special place in my heart. I don’t regret that at all! Long distance is just pretty hard especially when I can’t drive. I know we probably won’t be getting back together since I still don’t like leaving my comfort zone and everything you told me when I asked you why we broke up hasn’t really changed. I also probably took that the wrong way because I interpreted it as you not liking me because of anxiety.
I wish I didn’t have it but I don’t think that will ever change. I’m trying to not let it run my life but it is hard. You know the fight or flight response right? Well that happens all the time for me when I feel anxious and I always choose flight. I’m pessimistic and have low self esteem so of course I choose flight. “Fighting” is uncomfortable. Also, after we broke up I found out you had a step mother. I guess we still didn’t know that much about each other after almost 6 months. I felt like I was always initiating conversation. Anxiety tends to decrease sex drive so there’s another thing that might not change anytime soon. Anyways yeah just take this however you want. I just felt like telling you would help me get this off of my chest and make me feel better.