It’s been nearly 2 years Kelly, and I still miss you every day. You are the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about before I sleep. I miss the way we used to talk, smile, laugh and be together. I had never, up until I met you, thought I could ever be happy. I was alone and just living, not caring about the future. But then you came along and completely changed that. I had never felt my heart beat so much. I had never thought I could feel the way you made me feel. Your smile could stop me in my tracks. Your tears ripped my heart in half. I know I said some mean things. I know I took you for granted near the end. I regret those words every single day. Still. Every. Single. Day. It hurt me the way you left. I know I hurt you with all those words or you wouldn’t have left. I always thought forever meant that. And I wanted to love you forever. Well, it seems I still do. I can’t stop those feelings. The last week that we lived together were in silence. I regret not speaking from my heart then. I regret staying silent. I regret letting you leave. I thought when you said you wanted “time” that you just needed some space. So I remained quiet to let you think.
I should have held you closer. i should have held you more. Listened to your heart. Spoke what I felt about you. How I felt about you. Why you made me feel that way. You said it was always about me and that’s all I thought about. You were right. When it came time to change, I was concerned for me. Only, not really. I was concerned for us. What would become of us. I was concerned I was losing you. And every day I had felt us growing apart i could only get angry with myself. I am still angry with myself. For letting you go. For seeming aloof when in reality I was torn up you wanted to leave. You meant the world to me Kelly. And you always will. My heart is empty without you. Your smile, your eyes, your heart, your kindness. It changed me. You changed me. You made me realize that I wasn’t alone. You shared with me and I shared with you. No one knows as much about me and my past as you do. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I had become a burden to your future. I don’t know. I wish we could’ve talked more near the end. I was ready to go anywhere with you. I didn’t care, just as long as we were together.
But everyday is empty now that you’re gone. I wake up in the morning and reach over to where you slept beside me and all I feel is emptyness. And I’ll always love you. It will never fade away. You made me better than I ever was alone. I wish for those days. Without them, without you.. I don’t care about life as much as I used to. It’s a journey. But when you were beside me it was a voyage. One I looked forward to every day I woke beside you. Now. I await the end. At least then, you’ll never have to think about that asshole who bother’s you every now and again to tell you how I feel. At least then, the hurt will be done. I’m sorry Kelly. I miss you every single hour of every single day. I still love you.