It’s been almost a month since I lost you, totally. I’d like to say that it was your decision alone to keep this distance. I would like to say that I’m glad you are well, though I have no idea how you really are.
It was amazing to think that we were once inseparable. You knew me inside and out, and I, you. We were there for each other during the best of times, more so during the hard times. You, from the time you waited for me to get out of work to house hunting, to cooking lessons, to simple dates and cuddles and even so for being my favorite “unan”. I appreciate all the help and comfort especially during those times when I was lost and having a hard time in the dorm. I will definitely miss our bonds with Mam Cath and Rv. And I to you, from that instant when I totally accepted you after you became honest about Sam, to your jokes, “balut” moments, to even us crying together to fight for our love. I knew I had my shortcomings. I wasn’t there every time but I sure did my best to divide all my rest days between review, you and my family. You were so supported of me that I thought you can be patient enough to wait for me. I still remember that time when you said “Eight months lang ha?”. We overcome most of our problems, we were contented. Until of course, that final day.
You suddenly became cold. At first, I thought it was just you wanting me to focus on my review and you excited about graduation and finding a job. At first, I thought it was just you testing me. Yes, a test. Have you remembered that time when you told me that we have four stages to pass before you proposed? And that instant when you mentioned about that, you said we just passed the stage two. I don’t know what happened after that.
Now I realized it was my fault, too. I became too confident that you love me enough to wait for me. I’m sorry for all my shortcomings. Though now, sorry will no longer matter. Whether it’s true that you have cheated on us, or that you’re just no longer in love with me, only you knew that truth. I might still be questioning how and why we ended up like this but I have reached my limit Chabz. I did lower my pride but that was not enough for you. I waited and hoped but you rejected me so many times already. I was waiting for you to tell me to understand you, to wait for you to come back but it seems that I am no longer part of you future plans.
At this moment, as I am writing this letter, I no longer ask myself why, because I somehow know why. Sure, there were moments when I was so angry at you for hurting me the way you did. Yes, it still hurts, the wound is still here but I believe in God’s time, it will heal. It sucks but I learned to accept that we are over.
So all I can do is to wish you the best. Wish you a great job, a bright loving future. I wish you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury the guilt.
Good luck! God bless. And again, thank you for everything.
Your once Chabz – E.F.