I’m not sure if this is better or much, much worse

I’m not sure if this is better or much, much worse

I’m not sure if this is better or much, much worse

LTME postSo, we’re now ‘friends’.
its a different pain now, less raw; more like a persistent dull ache.
I don’t know how this can work, long term, but of course I’m grasping at straws, catching the crumbs of affection you throw my way.
If somebody else comes into your life, am I supposed not to care? Or will you grant me enough dignity and just gradually fade away? That will be a slow torture, rather than the raw torture I felt when you finished it.
I can’t deny that I’m happier having you at least in the periphery of my life, but I feel I’m setting myself up for one big fall, which will entirely demolish me.
I probably should have stuck to my feeling that I could never be just your friend – it’s too painful, but I don’t want the alternative either.
It seems you are going to have your cake and eat it, and I’m going to allow it.
There will be no hope of us ever being together properly, but was there ever that hope, apart from in my silly head?
So confused, so sad, and so happy to hear your voice again.
Time will tell what will become of me/us..
You must know how I feel, although I don’t say it anymore, and neither do you.
I’m not sure if can do it, or if I should. X

4 Comments

  1. Prince Doza 2 years ago

    I love your letters. It would be an interesting conversation to wax poetic on love’s folly with you, I’m betting.

  2. M 2 years ago

    Thank you so much; I’m glad they somehow touch somebody, because they’re so heartfelt.
    I also enjoy yours, for just the same reasons.
    You capture the pain so honestly, and from a different angle, another perspective.
    It’s also a comfort to know that someone else is suffering. lol

  3. Prince Doza 2 years ago

    On a second reading I couldn’t help but notice it seems we’re experiencing similar coinciding events. I’d gotten a message from my ex around the same time your letter posted, though it’s hard to describe our interaction as rekindling a friendship. Strange and similar, but the details are different.
    I hope things can improve for you and your situation. Things gotta work out for somebody, right? lol

  4. M 2 years ago

    In an ideal world, yeah.
    I think this site proves that people, and life itself are rarely ideal though. lol
    Maybe your ex will contact you again, if that’s what you want?
    Here’s hoping!

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