How such a tiny, wonderful woman leaves such a huge, bleeding hole in my heart…

How such a tiny, wonderful woman leaves such a huge, bleeding hole in my heart…

How such a tiny, wonderful woman leaves such a huge, bleeding hole in my heart…

LTME postWe met 12 years ago, back in a time when things were simpler. You didn’t quite know what you wanted, or if you wanted anything at all. I wanted to be with you, but you denied me, I wasn’t “your type”. It’s only when you said there would never be anything between us that I finally let go… And then, something miraculous happened.

I still don’t know exactly how it happened, but it did. You changed your mind. And we both embarked on the longest journey of our lives…

As soon as you left your parents’ house, I took you under my wing, protecting you from life’s world of hurt, keeping you safe from hardship and making sure I provided everything a young woman like you needed. I was more than happy to have you in my life. You gave a meaning to it. I was in love, madly in love. You were (and still are) everything I could ever hope for in a woman.

And so the years went by…

We shared everything. I was your first everything. We laughed, we cried, we argued, we made love, we were one. You soon graduated, and before we knew it, you had your bachelor’s degree, ready to be the teacher you wanted to be.

You blossomed from an extraordinaire young woman into an even more impressive and even more beautiful still-young woman. Every day, I kept remembering myself how beautiful you were (are) and that I was the luckiest man alive.

Then things changed. As we bought our house, you were doubting us. You weren’t sure of your feelings for me, but you kept it a secret.

And then more years passed…

You found new friends… New hobbies… New personnality. Suddenly, you weren’t the sweet gal I’ve known all that time anymore. You had changed.

And 3 weeks ago you threw in the towel. You had given up on me. You then said so many mean things to me, totally destroying me in the process. You left and there I was. Alone. A sobbing, crying mess.

And guess what? I love you so much that 3 weeks later, I’m still the same crying mess. Your absence is killing me a little bit more everyday as I cry myself to sleep every night.

You are beautiful, and it’s only a matter of time before my heart gets crushed even more and you find someone else. My mind cannot process this. My heart doesn’t want to. My whole person wants you back. Back where you were happy for so long.

You decided on that day that the past 12 years of your life meant nothing. That I meant nothing. That you wanted to be happy “now”. I’m sorry you think this way about our relationship. I’m sad you didn’t want to fight for it, because God knows I wanted to! Hell knows I still want to. But the most important person, YOU, doesn’t want to.

I wish you well while I’m trying to survive and fix myself. May you find happiness and never have to go through the same hell I’m in right now.

I love you. Always will.

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