I really loved you and still love you. I don’t really know how many more days it will take me to recover, but I know I soon will. Everyday I am stuck between a gravity of depression and denial. Knowing your feelings for me diminished crushed my heart so quick. My heart and chest feel like someone is crushing it over and over constantly. Knowing that you and my roommate have been talking about breaking up with me since 2 weeks ago, since I first started college life, and since I had been starting to worry about our miscommunication, really broke me. I know. I know that you did not want to hurt me, and that you cherish me a whole lot. Way more than any girl could ever wish for. And, I know that is one of the sole reasons you couldn’t tell me for the past month I was miserable- waiting for your calls, waiting for your messages, and waiting for your response. I hate the me that still wishes to see a message and call from you. still wishing to see your name pop up on my phone screen any minute now. I hope we can meet again in the future as good friends and good siblings. However, even today, I can’t believe we have broken up. I cared and still care for you so much. I don’t know how I will be able to find another guy that I could cherish so much just like you. Like everyone says, “Time heals everything.” No. Time will not heal this, Giovanni. No matter how much I want to forget you and pretend like the past was nothing… I can’t. Even 10 years from now on, I am going to remember the 3 months I cherished spending with you. So, I guess what I want to say is not that I hate you. Not that I am mad at you for bringing me the most unbearable pain to my heart. But that…I love you. I love you a lot. I love you so much. I love you more than anything. And now, I slowly close away these feelings. Little by little.
Stuck between depression and denial