Where do I begin? We went in circles for two weeks fighting about the same thing. Me crying in front you, while you kept yelling at me and bringing me down more and more. After you walked away for the last time, I knew my answer. You would never believe me, you would never be with me again. But why do I still hope that you will come back to me? Why would I want someone who doesn’t support me when life gets hard. After I told you I got raped that night by my friend, I regretted it. I wish your response was “I’m going to kill him.” No instead it was “You cheated on me, you didn’t get raped. You are a liar.” So you left me drowning.
I tried each and every day for you to believe me. But you kept harassing me. I even went to the state police because I knew it was the right thing to do, but you still thought I was lying. You didn’t listen to me. You kept harassing me thinking that I cheated because your exs cheated on you and made a story. So you think I’m doing the same. But you weren’t there, you don’t know what I went through that night. I’m drowning in my own tears everyday. I’m trying to be strong, I’m trying to get my life back. But I accepted what happened, but for some reason I can’t accept you not being with me. I love you, I still want you back in life.
Some part of me thinks you do believe me, but you wont admit it to yourself. The only way you will believe me is if my kit comes back with me being drugged. But if it doesn’t you wont. It sucks to know that you think I’m that kind of person who would drag my family into this, the cops, the doctors all because “I cheated.” News flash, no. I would admit that I did. I wouldn’t keep living this lie if it wasn’t true.
What am I suppose to do now? The one person I need, the one person I want is gone. Everyday I wake up with a fake smile on my face. I pretend I’m okay, but I’m not. I will not be the same person anymore. I was only me when I was with you, and now that this person took everything from me even my relationship….what do I do? Where do I go?