First love

First love

First love

LTME postNadine I just want to tell you that I love you. I love you so much that it actually hurts. Simply thinking about you makes me cry. I don’t want to be with you anymore because you are not happy with me and I want you to be happy. I also want nothing but the best for you. I hope you have fallen out of love with me. I hope you are no longer thinking of me and have found someone who will love you at your best and at your worst times. I want your future wife to hold you tight and tell you how amazing and loving you are because I did not do that for you. I wish I told you more often that I am completely in love with you, in love with your because smile, with the weight you gain, and with your loving personality. You are perfect for me and I will always love you because all you did was approach every situation with love and compassion. You used to always tell me that I lack compassion. I grew to realize that I do in fact lack compassion and need to show emotions more often.

I try to forget about you by keeping myself busy with school, work, family, and my new girlfriend. My new girlfriend is in love with me. She does a lot for me and treats me amazingly. Unfortunately, I do not love her the way I love you. No matter how many hot girls I meet, I don’t want any of them. I want you. I want to squeeze you and hug you so hard and never let go. Ever. You are my first love and I don’t know how long it will take me to get over you, but I hope it will be soon because it hurts not having you around or thinking about you.

I wish we could at least be friends. If you don’t want to date, I am completely fine with it. But I want to be in contact with you and keep in touch. When I see you with a new girl, my hearth hurts and I cannot control the tears coming down my cheeks. I hate it. I hate it so much that I feel hopeless and unwanted. I also felt unwanted while I was with you. The way you mentioned your ex and how you still love her and want to meet her. When we broke up, I asked you if you love me more than your ex. You got mad and said “don’t ask me that. 8 years is not like 8 months.” I obviously know that 8 years is not like 8 months…that was a hint that you are not completely over your ex and she will always be at the back of your mind, which is fine. She was your first serious girlfriend.

I thought you moved on and completely felt out of love with me, until I saw the pain in your face at lavish last Saturday night on November 28/2015. I automatically knew that I was wrong. You are still in love with me. Or maybe I want to believe that you are still in love with me and making myself believe that you have not moved on while in reality you have moved on. Whether you have moved on or not, I will never message you again. Ever. Unless you message me first. I will not chase you. I will move on and put a fake smile on until I find happiness and love again. Eventually I will put a real smile on.

1 Comment

  1. alungiler 3 years ago

    That’s so painful

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