I Still Don’t Hate You

I Still Don’t Hate You

I Still Don’t Hate You

LTME postDear ex,
Hey.
I wonder if you’ll ever be reading this and know that I wrote it. I just wanna say, thanks for everything; the nights that we used to skype until morning, when you showed me around town, telling me how breathtaking the view of the beach was at night, how it looks like it’s floating, the things you told me you wished we could do together, the promises we made, when you said you wished time would just freeze, how you said you would always be there for me, saying that you’ve given me your heart so I have to protect it, the way you said “hello?” over the phone— you left me with so much to remember. While you’ve become a better person after the break up, I’ve become colder. Flirting with random people to fill the void, crying silently on the other end while skyping with strangers because it reminded me of us, which no longer exists. You said that you loved me, but the last times were not love. To me though, that means you’ve never truly loved me as you exclaimed because love doesn’t just go away. I think I was just someone that came into your life when you were feeling empty.
I hate how everything has an end. The moments we were together, in the back of my mind I was always thinking “this is too good to be true.” I was right. The day we broke up, I remember us crying together as I begged you not to go. But you had told me you didn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t say anything back to that. It must have been shock because I didn’t cry as much; it was really me suppressing my tears because if I cried, it would validate that there was no longer us.
I don’t blame you for leaving me though, I was pretty messed up. I had depression and anxiety, always making you worry. You had your own problems but you never told me. There were times when you hurt me so much in the relationship, but I still don’t hate you for it. Even now I don’t. There would be nights where I would text you the things I wanted to tell you, but I don’t press send. Occasionally like a fool, I miss you so much that I’ll come up with any excuse to message you. I think it didn’t work out because we were two broken people who longed for something to make us forget the loneliness and pain. It probably was never love. But if you’ve become a better person, and you’re happier, I’m so happy for you because that’s what you deserve. Even if our time was short, thank you for everything.

0 Comments

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*