I love you, but now I have to go love myself.

I love you, but now I have to go love myself.

I love you, but now I have to go love myself.

LTME postDear B,
It has been 9 weeks since I broke up with you, 7 weeks since you broke up with me. I have felt very different things, different levels of happiness, relief, anger, sadness and regret.

Today I woke up feeling like I let go a good person. I know I wasn’t in the right place to accept you as you are: amazing. I always doubted you – us – but I realize now, like you always said, it was all in my mind.

You have been a great example, a great lesson. I am trying, everyday, to learn from these feelings and to accept myself, to be positive, to let go of negative emotions and thoughts. I want to be more like you, happy, outgoing, caring and positive.

I don’t wonder “what if I let go the love of my life?” I know I did. That was never an issue. You came into my life when I needed you most. I just wasn’t ready. I didn’t know how to love myself enough to love US. And I will take that with me now, and grow.

I hate thinking that you might hate me or feel resentful for the way I let you go. I know one day that even that will pass and you’ll feel nothing. You’ll remember me – well, I don’t know how you will remember me, but I hope you learn to understand that I left you to work on myself. I sometimes I wish I’d had the strength or tools to do that while still being with you. Because I miss you. As a person, as a friend. I enjoyed your company very much. I remember during those first weird months when I was so confused about us, I would be at home thinking of ways to break up, then I’d come into work and as soon as I saw you, I felt so good. When I was in your presence I couldn’t say no to you. You were magnetic, charming, funny, and you carried yourself in a way I always fancied someone to carry themselves, with confidence, happy, friendly. I miss you so much.

My biggest regret is having been so immature, having had so many unfounded doubts brought on by my low self-esteem. You gave me so much and I will never forget it, no matter how distant I’ve become, I only got as far away from you as I could because being around you knowing I lost you hurts me even more.

I let go a good person for my own well-being, I know, and that hurts a lot as well. I know one day I will be how you hoped I’d be: happy. Not to show it off to you, because you’re not in my life anymore, but so I can find and KEEP someone that’s as good to me as you were.

I love you, but now I have to go love myself.

X,
This hopeless romantic.

1 Comment

  1. Tango 2 years ago

    johnyme1

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