It’s hard to say things like this. I imagine you already know most of it, but I need to say it to you. I don’t expect anything from you. I just want you to know.
I love you.
Always have, always will. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you. It hurt when you left me. A lot. It hurt when you married someone else, had children with someone else. A lot. But I was happy for you, because I loved you. I still want the best for you. You deserve to be happy. I wish that we had been able to figure things out and stay together. I wish you hadn’t felt the need to “see what was out there”. I wish my temper had not been so intense. I wish there had not been so many rumours that hurt my heart so deeply that I couldn’t control my anger. I wish a lot of things. But we were kids. Maybe if we had met later in life things would have been different.
I dated a lot of guys after you. Trying to find someone to replace you I guess. But nobody could. I never loved anyone again the way I loved you, with my whole heart. I pushed you to the back of my mind, and tried to live life. And I did live life. I loved and laughed. But you were always there, in my heart. I thought about you often. How were you doing? What did you look like now? What did your kids look like? What kind of Dad were you? Were you happy? Did you ever think of me? Now here I am, 19 years after you left me. 25 years after I fell in love with you. And still, I love you. Your voice makes me smile. Memories of you fill my heart. I just want you to know, my love for you was always very real, and true, and it will never die. You were my first love, and I thank you for that, because it was, and is, very special to me.