Future letter to my ex

Future letter to my ex

Future letter to my ex

LTME-postJust to fill you guys in, I plan to send this in a few years time when I am fully healed. I haven’t found a new partner yet or graduated from university but when I do and good things have happened I will update this and insert those details in. This is very long as I didn’t have closure and he blocked me on everything when he left me for someone else but even though it didn’t work, I thought this could be used as a lesson and for me to gain my dignity back.

“Hi remember me? It’s your ex Amy from college, the one who you dumped and manipulated everyone to hate her over a mental illness she couldn’t help and then tried to make it up to her by using her and leaving her for someone else and the one you left for dead after you left her in a suicidal mess. And this is not a cruel message and I am not writing this out of vengeance, I thought I would write this to gain my dignity back now that I have healed and gained by confidence back and I am writing this so you understand how your actions can affect people, particularly women.

Yes my life went downhill for a while and people around me that you don’t even know about was affected by your actions and pain you caused, even extended members of my family was affected and my parents had to deal with my heartbreak that made me very ill whilst they both was diagnosed with cancer in 2015, one of the worst ways my family was affected I remembered was my dad losing his temper and screaming at me whilst he was sick from radiotherapy with burnt skin and hair looking like a bag of bones screaming “forget him! I want to kill him, you have to move on!”, he had to worry about losing another daughter whilst going through that, my mum seeked vengeance on you a long time after we spoke and I stopped her because I didn’t want any trouble, where was you when I went through this? You couldn’t even support me as a friend. I even ended up with a psychic addiction and ended up losing a lot of money through contacting psychics as the only thing that kept me alive was the false hope of you coming back or me finding someone new, ANYTHING to get out of this pain, as a result of that I started dating the worst users after I met you due to feeling worthless after being used because once a women gets used she will feel like there is no chance of ever finding a relationship or settling down because no man would want a woman who’s damaged and used goods, especially due to the fact I wasn’t a virgin anymore. Because I was so heartbroken and vulnerable men tried to take advantage of me and use me, I felt so worthless I even considered getting into porn because I felt worthless after being used for sex and felt like nobody wanted a relationship with me and I will never find one after being left for someone else, I felt so used that I thought “if I’m not good enough for a relationship then I might as well make money out of men seeing me as a piece of meat”. I hated myself even more than I did when we was together, I felt even uglier than before and felt like I didn’t even deserve to live, seeing you with someone else made me feel like I don’t belong in this world and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I made so many suicide attempts and hurt myself a lot during this time and even had backlash and frustration from people because I was STILL hurting over you, but this only happened within 1 – 2 years after we stopped talking, I picked myself up and focused on my career and confidence. Like I said, I am not here for revenge but I just wanted to say that you didn’t destroy me or any potential in my life, I picked up myself and decided to turn down guys who weren’t good enough for me and forget relationships, sex and men and wait until marriage. I then had gained so much more respect for myself whilst you was in your relationship and thought I was destroyed and yes I was alone for a while whilst you was happy, it took YEARS to heal but I got there in the end and I am so proud because being left for someone use destroys you inside and out and rips your soul apart it makes you think “what is wrong with me” “how comes he treated me badly yet treats this new girlfriend like a princess and makes it work with her?” “Why aren’t I good enough?” “I am going to die alone” “I’m not going to have any family in the future” And many more horrible thoughts and when your left alone with those thoughts at night it is truly horrifying. It wasn’t just at night it was 24/7 for years I was in pain, I was crying at uni, in public, on family days out and I even ran out of restaurants and had panic attacks when I saw couples or families, Valentine’s Day was the worst, because that’s how I found out about you and her and valentines was the most painful time of year for me. In 2016 in the new place I moved to one of my new neighbours who I didn’t know even sensed it off me and got me a lamp and gave it to my mum to give me and she said “your daughter has a lot of pain in her heart, give her this” and I didn’t even know her!

Well guess what? (Insert good thing here and insert pictures of whatever that good thing is) e.g. Now I am with/married/engaged to the man of my dreams (insert details of this new man here) – I have gained a really good degree and my report marks have been so high that I am producing work at a publishable standard and that is amazing for someone who missed years of education, I know sixth form students who can’t even do this – I am earning 25k+ a year – I am expecting my first son/daughter – living in a dream home in the country.

So you actually done me a favour and you didn’t kill me off or destroy me, I pray that you have changed and whoever you are with now that you treat them with the upmost love and respect but if there was any ouce of humanity left in you, you would’ve cared to some extent, even as a friend and would not have left me like this and gloated about it on social media. Having overlapping relationships is nothing to be proud of and most of all hurting somebody who was already fragile and had mental health problems is nothing to be proud of, most of all taking someone’s virginity is not a prize, this only defines who you are and it took me years to realise that I am not less of a person now that I am not a virgin anymore and that I am still valuable.

Despite the fact that you lost a strong, educated, beautiful woman who was willing to stay 100% committed and faithful to you and one who loved you with all of her heart so much so that she couldn’t go off with someone else despite the fact you have moved on and years after you was STILL the only person I gave ever been close to and intimate with (which is hard to find in this day and age) I wish you the VERY best in love and to have the most amazing wife and kids ever (wether Valerie is the one or not) and I hope you have changed. It’s a shame you didn’t look past my depression and didn’t see the potential I had in my life and as a partner and I also pray that you can understand the effect of your actions by treating women like that from this message so that another woman doesn’t have to suffer like I have. You almost cost me my life, confidence, career, sanity and any love I had for myself but you didn’t, and I came back much stronger than before. I hope you now see how leaving someone who loves you for someone else can screw someone up, and to not do it again. If you left me after we broke up the first time I would’ve been okay, but getting back with me when I was moving on with my life to use me and ignore all forms of contact I had with you and to wonder off with another girl is shocking, I turned down and hurt a lot of guys for you and you didn’t even deserve me at all.

I do (and already begged and pleaded in the past) apologise on my behalf as well for not reacting to this very well and getting angry towards you when you was so young and confused and for what I have done as I too, am not perfect.

Stay good and all the best.”

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