I remember the first time we met, it plays over and over in my head, how we got attached to fast..the feeling of feeling safe, wanted and loved, the natural high of happiness and feeling compete, your voice your touch and presence filled that hole in my heart that I longed to be full.
You brought so much joy into existence, it filled my scares and it accepted me for my past and mistakes. It calmed me it kept me safe and happy, it gave me hope. I was treated like a king. I’m so fucking sorry I don’t know where to start, and no matter what I say I don’t feel it’s good enough for you. You deserve the world and as much as I want to its not possible for me, you deserve so much better. Not a hour goes by that you are not on my mind. From the time I put my head down to rest and wake in the morning you have been the first and last on my mind. I deserve everything, every last word and all the resentment.
I want you to know everything I’ve done and said was true, it came from my heart. I wanted everything with you. I wanted to be the man you deserved, the man that would never leave and be by your side. I’d walk through hell for you. Instead my past caught up and what little I had, I lost all because of fear of losing. But what I lost was much greater, I lost my heart my rib my other half, my happiness and my pride and joy, if God would allow me to, I’d do anything and everything to try and get you back. Again I’m so scared of losing, maybe it’s something I never truly had, but it all hurts and I have been living with regreat ever since the last words you wrote.
I truly love you and I have very strong feelings for you, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. I wish I could see you one last time to tell you how sorry I am, I know it’s greedy but I miss your eyes, your lips and running my first gers through your hair. I miss everything Amorcito. I’m sorry and now Im living trying to forgive myself but regretting what I lost. There is so much more I want to say but it will never own up to the fact of my actions. You are and will always be in my heart forever and I hope and pray one day I’ll have the chance to see you again. I miss you with all my heart and soul. I’m sorry for all the damage I’ve caused.