Dear J.,

I don’t know why I’m writing you now but it’s been over three months, that you have officially broken up with me. Actually it has been a lot longer. Did you think I was so dumb to not realize you weren’t calling me anymore. Not even texting or any form of recognition you had a girlfriend.
I told myself, everything is going to be fine, when I come back. I will see you more often, meet my friends, go out and have fun. You probably knew my job was dragging me down at that time, but did you know how bad it was? My only hope was going back to you and my friends, the whole time.
So I came back and met my new roommates and we went out and had fun. Later I would tell everyone I had underestimated the effect hard alcohol had on an empty stomach.
That was I lie. I knew what I was doing until the moment I blacked out. My first cry for help.
When I woke up in hospital at 2am, my only thought was: Please don’t leave me today. Any other day I could take, but not that one.
And I couldn’t take it.
You picked me up, brought me home and left my life forever. Home to your family and friends who told you that I wasn’t good enough anyway.
I was alone and I cried for hours. My hope was lost and I went to that bridge.
The next thing I knew, they locked me up in psychiatry. I was disoriented and had cuts all over my arms, I still have the scars you know?
Now you don’t. How would you, we had no contact after the breakup.
Maybe this was what I needed. They examined me and gave me therapy and pills and time to think.
What you also don’t know is I finally left my job and am starting one I always wanted to do next month. It isn’t paid as much as what you’re doing and what I used to do, but it will be my road to happiness.
I barely think of you now, I don’t know whether to be sorry, because you had to endure me, when I was at my worst, or angry because you left me, when I was defenceless and it was easiest for you, but I don’t hold anything against you.
I don’t wish you anything, neither luck nor misfortune.
You are fading out of my mind, together with all the bad memories of that time, and I’m happy about that.

I’m finally seeing the light again.

Yours

K.