To my cutie-pie.

To my cutie-pie.

To my cutie-pie.

LTME-postJosefina, I never would have thought things would end like this.. Or that we would end at all. We were each others high school loves and I when I told you forever, I meant it.

The first time I saw this quiet, shy, beautiful girl, in 10th grade I knew that I had fallen in love without even talking to you yet. It was truly love at first sight and everyday after that I would look forward to getting to see you and trying to build up the nerve to say something to you. It took me a year to build up the conference to approach you (and I’m sorry about that I know I should have just went for it) and even then I didn’t get anywhere. I remember coming back from lunch and rushing to get to Spanish early in hopes I hadn’t missed you walking by yet. The first time I tried to get your attention was when I tossed a hacky sack at you in hopes you would pick it up and I would finally get to look into the eyes of the girl I had fallen in love with, things didn’t go as planned… About a year later was when I found you on Twitter and was just so excited and nervous because it had been so long since I had last seen you.

Both of us were very shy and awkward when we first started talking in person. The first day we had planned to meet by the trophy case at school was probably the most nervousnes time in my life. I was so scared and nervous the class before, I thought I was going to throw up and pas out. I remember my face was as red as a tomatoe when you walked up to me and yours was red too. We didn’t really even say much because we were both so shy but before you left I gave you a hug and it was the most amazing feel I had ever had in my life. After we saw each other I was in a pure euphoric state and felt like I was on top of the world. I sent her a text telling her that I was sorry I’m so shy and got so red and she sent me a text back telling me the same and that I was so cute. At that point I was in class and just melted. I was completely in love with the girl already and I think she already knew it. About a month later I was walking her to her class and decided I was going to kiss this girl. I hadn’t asked her to be my girlfriend yet because I was so nervous to but I just had to kiss her. I was so scared to go in for the first kiss but I just had to. I gave her a tiny peck on the lips and to my surprise she pulled me back to her and kissed me three times. I was in heaven. A week or so later I asked her to be my girlfriend as luckily she said yes.

The very first date we went in was to the park. This was the first time I saw her after asking her to be my girlfriend. We swung on the swings the entire time we were there. Most of the time was spent in awkward silence due to the fact that I was completely frozen and couldn’t manage to get a single word out. We did talk a lot too while we were there but we were both very nervous so it was about the most random things which turned out to be the best date ever.

Fast forward to 6 months later on Christmas at my house where I was such a nervous mess and even almost cried giving you the promise ring I had bought you. It had only been 6 months of dating but I knew I wanted you in my life forever. I had never felt so much love for a person in my life and giving you that ring was basically giving you every part of my mind, body, and soul. Seeing you wear that ring would always give me a feeling that I will never forget. I will never forget how we would call each other “Mine”.

Another 6 months goes bye and it’s our 1 year anniversary which so happened to fall on the day I was graduating. I remember all I could think about throughout the ceremony was seeing you right after and hoping you would like the picture I made for you. Looking back on it now I would give anything to be there sitting on my grandmas couch at my little family graduation party with you again. I’m sorry my grandmas was so embarrassing and kept wanting to take pictures of us, but I’m sitting here looking at that very picture right now so I’m glad she did.

The next highlight of that year was prom. Even though I was a nervous, sweaty, awkward dancing mess, it was still an amazing night. When I came to pick you up at your sisters I nearly fainted when I saw how gorgeous you looked and I’m not even exaggerating. You looked like the princess you are. The actual prom itself was okay, I had no clue how to dance so it was horrible for me but I still tried just so you would have a fun time. My favorite part about that night was the drive home. You were cuddling with my arm and was laying your head on me. Everything was perfect in that moment. I wish we could have just driven around all night until the sun came up.

The next year went bye way too fast and that’s when things started to change. You had so much going on family wise and I understood that. We used to see each other everyday at school but now that I had graduated and you were a senior we didn’t get to see each other at school. Seeing each other everyday turned into twice a week and we argued more often. I always hated when we would argue… It was always over things that we shouldn’t have let cause an argument and things that weren’t important now that I look back.

The start of what would be our last summer together. Our 2 year anniversary fell the day after your graduation. God I was so proud of you that day. Seeing the love of my life walk across the stage was one of the best moments in my life. When your name was called to walk across the stage I clapped so hard and it took so much strength to hold back tears. I don’t think we even got to see each other on our 2 year anniversary because you had something going on. We became more distant that summer than we had even been and I thought it was due to you getting ready to move out for college. The last time I got to see you was the day before you moved into your dorm. Things felt weird but I told you not to be nervous or stressed thinking that’s why you were acting different. The next day we face timed for an hour or two and were planning out when I would drive down there and the days I would come spend the night, we had talked about this moment since we had first started dating and I thought we were finally going to start our life together. Saturday, the next day, you didn’t text me at all and I was confused but didn’t think too much of it knowing you had just moved in Friday. Sunday finally arrives and you text me telling me we need to talk. After that I get a call from you telling me that our relationship wasn’t going to work. I was crushed. I tried everything to talk to you but you blocked my number and anyway I had of contacting you. It’s only been a week and a half and I am still miserable without you. I can nearly function at all. My heart is completely shattered and I didn’t even get a chance to talk to you about it. I have spent the past week crying my eyes out everyday in my bed thinking about what I could have done to not let what we have slip away and haven’t been able to eat or sleep. This was supposed to be the year our life started together and the year I ask you to be mine forever. I will truly never be the same without you Josefina. I’m lost and just want my cutiepie back.

I regret not hugging you, kissing you, holding your cute tiny hands, telling you how much you mean to me, trying to make you laugh with my goofy jokes, staring into your beautiful brown eyes, buying you all the makeup you could ever want, calling you on the phone, calling you my cutiepie/baby/princess and making you smile, and I just regret not doing everything in my power to make you the happiest girl on earth. It’s my fault you are gone and I can never forgive myself for letting us get distant no matter what I thought the reason was. I’m sorry Josefina. I have no way of speaking to you and it’s literally tearing me apart. I still don’t believe we are over and I don’t think I ever will. You are the love of my life and my soulmate and I’m just lost for words. You were the only forever I could ever believe in. You left and took my heart with you. I’m laying here hoping one day you will come back to me but I know it won’t happen. I love you more than anything in this world and I always will Josefina. Goodbye cutie.

Your paleboy, Gage.

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