I’m writing this letter for closure purposes. I have no intention of actually sending or emailing it. If I do it is probably because I’m extremely pissed and I need to. Okay so here is the thing we are over. I have come to accept it and this is no mean for me to get you back but I don’t want to. You may ask why not? Because first I thought about it and we just didn’t work. Just because two people love each doesn’t mean they have to marry each other. You are a good person and you deserve better. So do I. We had a lot clashes but you were the ones who made it more visible about them then I did.
I guess you found the class thing more important then I did. I honestly did not care about it but it seemed like you did. Another thing that you did really bothered me was how you didn’t really fight for it. You claimed that you loved me and etc but it was just all talk and no action. I felt like I was chasing you and it was not reciprocated. Which is not what I was looking for. I’ve been chasing to many people in my life and I really didn’t want to keep chasing someone who I loved and who claimed that he loved me to just keep running.
Yes I admit we clicked right away and we had a lot in common but our conversation died out and you did not really want to keep it alive you let it die. That made me really angry because what is the point. YES I know we were oceans apart and I didn’t want you flying over right away to come see me but you never really made an effort to talk on the phone. Every time I brought it up you dismissed it. Second thing is that whenever I did bring things up that I thought were important you would just dismiss them or say lets see when it comes down to that. In honest truth you were more fearful of commitment then anything else. You can deny it all you want but that is the truth. So what is the point in staying with someone who is more fearful of committing then losing me.
There was love but it was nothing that could be used. It made me mad because you said you wanted to marry me but here I was getting somewhere else and you were ready to let it go just like that. And no I did not want you galloping and riding off with me in the sunset that is not what I was asking for. You were so ready to not even read istikhara once to even after I told you my answer no. Nor did you convince me to try again. You let me go that easily? Is that something you do to someone that you love? No. Because frankly that was all bullshit. That was your way of saying that you’d rather not stick it through because your fear of commitment became stronger and I was becoming weaker. Which is fine now because it showed me that I was really not worth the fight. I don’t want your apology because it means nothing to me. You apologized to much and now it just means nothing.
I realized I set myself up for disappointment and I am reaping what I sowed. In the end though you made me realized we’d never happen because to you I was not worth really pursuing. It is not the first time someone has made me feel that. I always was fearful of wasting my time and emotions. But I still did, maybe this was a lesson for me I learned to chose people more carefully. I don’t care I followed my heart. Thank you for your time and whatever you felt you taught me. I always wanted the best for you. The best for us. I wanted us to be able to open up to each other but whatever I tried it was just not enough. I was sick of begging you and I was sick of just convincing you other wise. I realized I was not worth your love and maybe you were not worth mine. I just needed to say this in order to give myself closure. Part of me resents you in more ways then it should. I hope you find someone who is exactly like you. I also hope someone makes you feel the way you have me feeling now. Hope life treats you well in whatever you decide.