I hate you so much but I love you

I hate you so much but I love you

I hate you so much but I love you

LTME-postIt’s really sad. I’m angry at you. You broke my heart into pieces. When you love someone as much as I loved you you can’t just move on, it’s hard it’s difficult. You were my first love my first heartbreak too. You broke my heart and made me feel so heartbroken. I knew we were going to end, I was moving house and I was seeing you out with girls but I had to pretend I was fine, I didn’t want to show you how much you were breaking me… I remember watching you sleep, you were so peaceful. There were times at the start of our relationship where if we’d argue you’d beg me not to leave, you hated watching me hurt. It hurt you to watch me cuddle into you and cry whilst telling you I didn’t want to lose you. But then towards the end of our relationship you’d just look at me blank face like you didn’t care anymore. I remember the time you told me you didn’t love me anymore. I broke down crying.. I remember being at a friends house and we argued and I sat there at 3 In the morning telling my best friend I know I’m losing you but I hope you still love me because I’d lose myself if I lost you. Then a few days later we were over. You acted like you didn’t give a fuck about me. You with someone new now and It fucking hurts but I respect that. I just can’t believe the person who I planned a future with would do this to me, would make fake promises and tell me they loved me when they didn’t. I sometimes wonder till around 4 in the morning if any of it was real because it’s hard to believe anything you told me when we broke up. I remember a few weeks after you messaged me randomly when I least expected it and asked me if I hated you, I took a deep breath and thought to myself how tf could I hate you, I’m madly still in love with you. I can’t do this shit without you. You helped me through everything and I know you don’t care about me anymore but damn I can’t get you off my mind. You were like my soul mate and I get this lump in my throat when I hear your name because I want to cry. I wanna scream to you and tell you how much you broke me and that I could never love anyone in the same way ever again without fear in my heart because I don’t ever want to experience this pain again. I fucking hate what you done but I love you so much. But it is what it is I got to deal with this shit now.

1 Comment

  1. lilly 2 years ago

    I know how you feel girl…I am going through the same thing right now…

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.