I have forgiven myself.

I have forgiven myself.

I have forgiven myself.

LTME-postFor the amount of time we were together, I’m surprised I even feel necessary to write this. But know, this is for me, not for you. I gave you everything I had. I loved you more than I ever thought possible to love another human being. If you would have asked me when we were happy if I’d have thought we would have gotten to this point, I would have said no. I would have married you in an instant. I tried so damn hard! I fought when I thought I had no more strength left to fight. I tried to do my best by you, but you just refused to compromise. In the end, though you’ll never admit it, I just wasn’t enough for you. I couldn’t be what you needed me to be.

I’ll never blame you anymore than I’l blame myself for us not working out. But there’s something I need you to know. I’m talking to someone now. He makes me really happy and I’m really hopeful that he’s going to be my happy ending. But no matter how happy he makes me, he’ll never take away the memories I have of us. He’ll never make me forget you, or how much I loved you. I believe in the deepest parts of my soul, I’ll always love you. And that’s okay.

I want you to know I’m not angry at you. I will never be angry at you for being who you are and wanting what you want. We are all entitled to a little selfishness. But understand that I have forgiven myself. I have allowed myself forgiveness for all the pain I allowed myself to wallow in because of you. I forgive myself for letting you break me into pieces. I forgive myself for crying myself to sleep countless nights wishing you would be there to make it all go away. And some nights, I still cry. Because I cannot get past the pain of the failure. I don’t miss you. I don’t wish things would have been different any longer. But I still ache because we failed, when we promised each other we wouldn’t. I have allowed myself the clarity of forgiveness and I hope you have given yourself the same. I truly wish you all the happiness in the world because I cannot think less of you, simply because we didn’t work out. But know, I have moved on. I am happy. I am hopeful. And your memory haunts me no longer.

2 Comments

  1. Momo 1 year ago

    Nicely said!
    Your letter echoes alot of my own feelings♡

  2. I'm glad you can believe this 1 year ago

    Though it breaks my heart for I had held out in hope of being an US again I see now that’s not to be. I wanted a forever with you. You are more thsn I dreamed of. You always thought you were the only one that was hurt. What you did destroyed me. And still I love you for I thought that we could grow from this. I am wrong.. Ive been healing since. Making good on being me again. The clarity you have must have been easy as you know why it was you who had to make that first step. I simply don’t know what to believe anymore. You lied many times & you denied it yet….forget me for I wish I could you now. It took a great guy to open your eyes whilst you abandoned him. Thank you & take care

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