Dear X ,

I’ll never really understand why you did this, I’ll never really know what you were thinking and I’ll never really know for how long you were thinking it. What I do understand is what you’ve done to me , this break up has changed me in all the wrong ways.

You were my best friend, my first love and my world. I looked up to and just seeing you put a smile on my face but was it not the same for you? Did you not think about me before you went to sleep at night or when you woke up in the morning?
You were the only one who would cope with my severe anxiety and the only one who would listen and not get annoyed at me , you would give me hope and make me feel better instantly. But was it all too much for you? Did you just get sick of it?
I think about all the amazing times we had together which there was too many but now I think was it even worth it for how I feel now?

My anxiety has taken over and turned into a cruel depression, I can’t remember the last day not crying. I wake up after having dreams about you and have to remind myself that you’re not there anymore. I have to watch everyone else be together when I have nothing. Talking to people doesn’t help because I feel like I’m being too dramatic or I get a constant “it’ll get better” but it hasn’t gotten better only worse. It has taken a toll on everything else, my college work , my social life and my home life. I feel like people try to avoid me because of it.

I replay everything you said to me that night and realising it means nothing because it was all you, I had no say and I just had to accept the fact that the person I cared about the most in the world was sitting next to me saying that did not wanna be with anymore. I know it’s hard for you too but for me I am broken, I am not myself and I feel worthless. I never want to love again because nothing is worth feeling like this.

I am in a constant battle with myself saying you weren’t that great and I’ll be better off but you were and you kept me grounded. But I also think how could someone that claimed to love you break you this much.

Would you rather get with a bunch of girls then be in our relationship? Am I that hard to deal with ? Why wasn’t I good enough? Did I do everything right? Why now? Why did you ask me out in the first place? Why is everything different? Why do you still want to be friends?

I feel different about you now, I still love you and miss you more than you’ll ever know but there’s something inside of me telling me that your a different person , that the person that I met would never have done this.

I am trying to move on from you now but it’s hard when your battling mental health issues caused by the person your trying to move away from.

I know you’re not having as hard as a time then me but I would love for you to know just what you’ve done to me.

Love S x