To the man who broke me but also made me,
I forgive you.
3 years seemed like a lifetime. I was head over heels in love with the wrong man. You broke every part of me down until there was nothing left for me to give. I tried mercilessly to be the woman you longed for. But alas it was never enough.
I cried myself to sleep every night not knowing what I had done wrong. Not knowing why i deserved the bruises on my body or the marks around my neck. I guess I didn’t understand how you could hurt someone you claim to love. My heart ached for your love but I guess you can’t expect someone so cold to feel for someone with such a warm heart.
You will never understand the emotions running through my body when I found out I was going to be a mother. Happiness, excitement, love….until I realised what type of monster you had become. How could I bring up a baby knowing you could possibly lay a finger on them? How could I endure the constant emotional battle knowing you could possibly put our baby through that too? My heart breaks knowing that this was not my time to raise a child. My body fills with resentment and rage knowing you are the reason my baby would never be brought into this beautiful bright world.
I must say though, I am sorry. I’m sorry I chose to leave you out of the decision in losing our baby. I’m sorry for making you feel less of a man and putting you through all this heartbreak and misery. But our baby was my escape, I knew that this is not a life worth to be living.
I hope one day you can forgive me for all I have put you through. But remember that I was no monster and you need to accept everything you have done.
We became two totally different souls straying from our destined paths. I am no longer broken. I feel as though I have been re-born into a beautiful strong woman so thank you for all your life lessons. Thank you for teaching me that the way you treated me was not love but much rather the actions of an insecure, scared boy trying to act tough in this big world.
I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope you learn to love the way people should be loved. I hope you grow up and become a man and not this monster that you have become.
You are capable of anything you put your mind to.
The girl you brought back to life