It just wasn’t the right time for us.

It just wasn’t the right time for us.

It just wasn’t the right time for us.

LTME-postAll of this is so hard for me for so many reasons. I love you so much. In the beginning I didn’t think you would matter to me but you just came into my life and I fell so hard for you. You have this way of always making things better. Whenever I was with you things were always better. It’s going to be hard to be without you. Our lives are going to change so much. Especially mine after I graduate college. I don’t know where I’m going after may if I end up farther from you or closer I won’t be doing that for you I’d be doing it for me. When we talked you made it seem like I saw us long termed and I had our entire future planned out. But I just want to clarify that I wouldn’t have changed my life for you, and our relationship wasn’t unfair to me. Whatever decision I would have made if I would have gone to LA anyways that would have been for me and my growth as a human. I would have thought of you in my decision making but the decision would be based on my being. I’m not mad at you for ending it. I understand that you’re going through a lot and you need to figure things out on your own. I just wish things didn’t have to end this way. I understand that you said just because things aren’t over now it doesn’t have to be over in the future and that you want contact still. Believe me I do too but I can’t do that. This is it. I’m always going to be giving more of myself away to you. I always want to be in bed with you and feeling you inside me. I always want to tell you that I love you. I’ll say that I’m okay with the breakup and I still want to see you. Just so we can be together. But we wouldn’t be together because it’s over. I feel that is a double edged sword for me because I’ll still be giving myself away to you and I wouldn’t be getting anything back in return. I can’t do that to myself that would be me waiting around for you. I want to be living my life. So it’ll probably be better for us or me at least to cut all contact. I need all the space from you that I can get so I can be myself again. Being with you has changed me in so many ways. I can’t explain it but I think your personality has rubbed off on me. I think you’re amazing in so many ways and there’s so many things that I love about you. I love how passionate you are about your music. I love how creative you are. I love how you make me feel when we kiss because it always felt so right to kiss you and to be in your arms. I always loved how serious you were in life but that you could be super weird too. I love your laugh. I also love how you would smile at me. There’s so many things that I love I couldn’t fit it on this piece of paper but I want to tell you what I love most about you. You’re always yourself. You’re so confident in life and you just have this way about you that makes you such a beautiful person. I’m so happy that you were in my life and I’m so happy that I got to experience you. I hope you don’t change that one thing about you. I’m so excited for you. You’re twenty and your life is going to be forever changing. I hope it takes you to wonderful places. I just want you to know I’m not cutting you out of my life to get back at you I just have to do this so I can learn how to be happy without you. I just want to make myself happy again. Maybe in a year we might be talking again but I know for right now I need to not have any contact with you. I need to find myself again, and to be confident again. I can’t do that if we remain friends. I don’t know if you’ll understand but it just seems like the best decision for me. I’m done worrying about things that I can’t control. I can only control my actions and how I handle this breakup. I hope everything you want in the next few months do happen. I just want happiness for the both of us. I hope you find balance between life and school. I was single for all of college before you. During that time I was able to find the person that I wanted to be, and I learned so much about myself. I feel like I no longer know myself anymore. I’ve been involved with you for the past year. I forgot things about myself during that time. I forgot how to find happiness on my own. I found so much happiness with you that I allowed myself to forget what happiness was from within me. I’m sorry for all of my insane moments I was trying to hold onto our relationship. You were being real with yourself. This is how I’m being real with myself by writing everything I couldn’t say to you in a letter. When we talked yesterday, and you said it’s over I was taken back. I didn’t have the courage to tell you that I don’t want to be friends or that I can’t cut all contact with you. I was trying to hold onto the little piece of you that I could. It’s better for me this way. I love you as a person I care for your wellbeing and your dreams. I have to put myself first. So goodbye.

1 Comment

  1. Haley 3 weeks ago

    I wrote this back in January when my boyfriend and I broke up. The breakup only last for a few weeks before we were texting again, and seeing each other once a month. Our relationship is long distance. When I wrote this letter I had the strength to give to him, and to say goodbye. But I couldn’t keep myself from texting and calling him. Right now things with him are a lot better but I always wonder how my life would be if I just left things as they were. If I didn’t contact him or if I didn’t visit him where would I be now. It will always be a mystery now. Now I love him so much more, and we have figured our stuff out. We still have issues, and things aren’t always perfect but at the end of the day we love each other. Life isn’t perfect. Sometimes love isn’t enough. To make it work you have to struggle with the other person. Relationships work by compromising, and always trying your best to understand the other person. I learned that from him, and from writing this letter.

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