You

LTME-postIt’s been 2 weeks since you ended it and as much as I want to hate you or be mad at you I know that won’t ever be possible because I love you so much, I’ve always loved you from the day you came into my life. I found you when I was so screwed up I wasn’t happy and I made a lot of stupid decisions but you made me happy again and I found myself falling for you, I fell in love with the way you hate spiders and love cats and bagels and star wars. I love you in general, every little thing about you and you always managed to make me happy by just being you because you’re so beautiful, caring, amazing, understanding you’re literally perfect and you never gave up on me. I know I hurt you and pushed you away and could’ve put in so much more effort but I didnt because I was afraid of losing you but in the end I lost you anyways and I hate myself for the way things ended. You are still the most important person in my life and I care about you so much and want you and need you and love you and I hate that I’m not yours and you’re not mine. Whenever I thought of my future it was always one with you in it and I still do even though we arent together anymore. We’ve been through so much together these past two years and I really thought we’d get through this too but we didnt because I messed up like I usually do. It wasnt your fault all you ever did was love me and support me and be there for me sure I did all that for you too but you were always better because I got too angry or started thinking about irrelevant things and maybe if I completely opened up to you I wouldnt be doing this right now. You always deserved better than me, you still do because you really are amazing and you deserve someone who can cuddle you when you’re sad or someone you can do cute things with but I’m selfish and want you to be mine. I want to make it to 28 months with you and send you cute messages to wake up to I can’t do that anymore and I hate it I hate how messed up I am but mostly I hate myself for not getting help and for not being the boyfriend I know I couldve been. You’re still always on my mind and I still stay up late to talk to you because you’re the best thing in my life and we arent even together anymore. I loved every new year because I looked forward to September when we’d make it another year together. 2017 should be our third year together but it isnt and that really sucks. I don’t want to be with anyone else I want you I will always want you. No one else could ever understand me as best you do, you literally saved me from myself and I’m forever thankful for that, having you in my life made me so lucky but being able to tell people how amazing my girlfriend is and how much I love you and talking about you in general made me feel 10000 times luckier. I don’t regret the past 27 months I regret hurting you when I was hurting and every stupid thing I did. I love you so much and I dont want to date someone that isnt you. I’m still jealous of your dog because she gets to cuddle you, I’m jealous of your bed because I’m not in it at night to kiss your forehead or wake you up with kisses. I guess at some point you’ll be someone else’s and I’ll hate them for doing the things I could never do but most of all I’ll hate them for making you happier than I ever could. I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy more than anything and to know how great you really are and to feel loved and appreciated. Thank you for the best 2 years of my life, for being you and for allowing me to love you.

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