Dear Ex-love of my life,
What I wish I’d told you,
You were my person for so long and I never thought I’d lose you. All the times we fought, all those late night arguments screaming and fighting for you to get everything together; just wasn’t enough. Time after time you said you’d change- or things would be different, but again and again I was left looking like a fool.
It’s almost been a year and there literally has not been one day since that you haven’t crossed my mind for even just a minute. So many times I’ve typed out numerous paragraphs and messages all to just backspace- and delete. So many thoughts cross my mind of how things could of been different if we just had of communicated more. Although our reason for parting was weighted heavily on your actions, I still think about the what-ifs. What if we had of moved out together last year, what if we had started a family like we were going too, what if you came up with me to school – what if we had of tried just once more.
My birthday’s coming up in a few weeks… it’s going to be a weird feeling knowing you or your friends won’t be there to celebrate with me like they and you have been for the last three years. It will be weird knowing that I won’t have my person there with me to protect me when I’m out on the town or out with friends, I’ll have no personal guard for those creeps to stay away. You were my person for so long and no one can really fill that void like you did.
I was going to attach your email when I first started typing, but I know it’s just not worth bothering you. You’re in a new place of mind now, you’re in a new place in life. I guess what I want for this letter to give to you and myself is an apology, an apology for having to do what was best for me and leave you last year. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and there’s been many nights where I lay awake and stare at the ceiling or the wall just running through our good times, wondering what it would be like if I hadn’t of left- would things be better? Would they be worse? Where would we be in our life together?
I know you probably will never read this, but incase you do just know I’m sorry for leaving.