Just letting you know what I miss you. I haven’t been crying that much these days but little things that used to make my day such as morning/good night messages and messages during the day were something that I definitely miss a lot. I have my happy moments but as soon as I look at something that reminds me of you, I get a pang of sadness. I had to put everything you gave me away in a box so that I didn’t start crying when i looked at them – I really miss that sheep plush you got me at the Melbourne show because you saw that I liked it so much.
Remember back in Vermont, we didn’t speak to each other for at least a year and a half until you made the initiative to speak to me first in the tearoom? I didn’t have much interest in you back them but as I got to know you, my interest grew and then good things happened. When we got together, I thought you were going to be the one and that we would be together no what; sure there were some things that I wasn’t happy about but they were not deal breakers and not everyone is perfect – the fact that the positives outweighed the negatives and the fact that I had a huge heart for you back then made it worthwhile. As I have told you before, you were the best relationship I have ever been in. we had knew each other so well, you were like my best friend and at the time, my life partner or should i say, partner in crime. The fact that I used to have something to look forward to whether hanging out or just messaging each other after work has been hard…these days, I would finish work and look at my phone and there would be nothing. I now have some weekends off because Im caretaking my department for a while – that’s whole days off, whole days that you used to want so that we could do fun things together but I guess its too late for that now.
I did have a happy time back then when I was with you. Truly I did. I had enjoyed being with you and being in your company. I thought we were very compatible for each other – it was the first time I really ever felt really comfortable around someone/ . I just wished you had told me much earlier you were unhappy in the relationship or something did not feel right so that we could’ve worked on it and still been together because relationships is about being together through the good and bad times and doing the hard yards to make it work. I would’ve been a willing participant to try and make it work – whether it be a change in my attitude to things, trying out new things together to make life more exciting, getting days off to do things together like fun dates, doing fun things like playing Pokemon Go but whatever really. These days, a lot of married people divorce because they want out so easily – I look at my parents and see that they are still together for over 40 years and they fight a lot and things but they still care about each other to still be together.
I guess all Im saying is that I miss having you in my life but at the same time, if you don’t see me the same way I see you, then I guess what’s the point? Deep down in my heart, I want reconciliation but it won’t work unless both people truly want it. Maybe in the future you would want to try again…and then together we would try make things better…make things different for a totally different relationship. I guess the only time I would want you to reach out to me in the future is if you wanted to try again fresh; otherwise I would just have to move on which is hard because I gave my everything to you.
I’m sorry for everything and for the way I reacted during the last few conversations when you made it clear that you didn’t want me as your life partner anymore.
I’m really not sure what is my motivation for writing this email. I guess this is my last form of contact before I go away. I guess that is just true love making me do crazy things. I’m probably going to regret sending this but I will send it anyway since in life, you only live once.