Joe

LTME-postHi Joe,
We came a long way from meeting on the internet in the nineties, to crossing paths at Wendy’s, to the shoe department at WalMart where we met. We were just going to be friends, had coffee, talked all night. We spent many nights walking and talking, getting to know each other, you trying to hide behind a wall of lies. Me the big strong honest one and you the wimpy weakling liar. Total opposites but drawn together over the course of 5 years, and there we were. Me automotive production no life, you wendys fry cook no life. then one magical kiss which was totally amazing, we began. 2003 Joe. 3months after we met we were living together. So in love yet sexually I couldnt give you enough. Which interestingly you would think 2 completely insatiable sex fiends we would be in bed 24/7. So many good times over the years. yo changing cars, jobs, getting GED, pretending to go to college but secretly dropping out. still full of sarcasm. You were 22 years old, I know how it is, still a child. A child with an incredibly large number of sexual hookups and drugs and theft. But you met me, I gave you guidance tried to steer you into a better life. You left me for shawn and came back because you fell, you were miserable without me, and the dream, remember it? “But I’m here now” . We had great times but I could never get you to do things you love. I had to choose the movies, I had to choose the daytrip, I had to choose where we ate. years went by, you left again. Not even sure who that guy was. but Love brought us back together after you fell again. I dusted you off hugged you and ushed you back up. that was a short one I forgot about. Then the time I fell, wrongly accused, lost my job, begging for help, you were right there and we made it through only for you to leave again. And third time, you fell, shitty job shitty attitude, but we were drawn back together again. this time we were engaged. wow, marriage, after 9 years. but the struggles werent over. Financial problems, Health failing, depression. you still lying but giving the appearance of success. We made it through, you were thriving at work, I was thriving at my job, bank accounts growing, and my health imroving. future was so bright, our love and support pulled us through every time. 13 1/2 years later, you still lying, something happened. It was another man or something at your job. you told everyone it was a huge promotion, you were going to make it big. but you lied to them. You told them how awful I was after I supported everything you ever did. except buying that car. Do you know what Joe? whatever it was, your family always forgive you, I always forgive you. You are the one I pictured my life with, all of it. We said horrible thing, I said really horrible things. but Joe, my dog died and a week later you walk out. How much do you think I can take before I self destruct. We never fight because you keep everything bottled up, that isnt healthy. you do what you always do 4 times, you give up because you think we failed. Joe, 13 1/2 years, we are still being drawn together like magnets. I still love you, but lying has to stop. this madness, you pretending to be happy. Being someone you aren’t. 35 now, you are not a child, you are a man, a man I love, a man I want to marry, a man who is musically talented, a man who loves roller coasters, halloween attractions, singing. a man who loves his mother and father and brothers and sisters and that big corny guy who risked his life to bring you home, through a snow storm with only a few dollars in his pocket. I waited for you every time you left. You always come home. Today, my final letter because I don’t want to hurt anymore. I took control of my life and yes I want you in it with me til the end. The problem is, I need stability. Joe the only reason I said no to paper making officially married was you are unstable. You are never satisfied with anything and it doesnt matter who or what it is. but the only thing always been there is me for you. I would be a total fool if I took you back. but I still cry every day, I hurt every day. i keep going every day. There is a humongous amount of love for you here. not just me, you touched many hearts and its hard to be wanted by so many and saying no isnt your thing, however, maybe you should look in the mirror some time. When you come home, and I know you will, all I ask for is honesty, no more lies. that is how you start fresh Joe, you change you into who you know you can be. and really the car wasnt worth it, seriously. 14 days to go. yea I have fed you some b.s. and yea been fun pranking you. at least weather wont cooperate this weekend. Stay safe. Stop dragging my heart around.

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