You broke me

You broke me

You broke me

LTME-postDear father of my child, I remember for years I pushed and pushed trying to make us work. I loved you because you loved me when I couldn’t love myself. The first 3 years were wonderful, I was so in love with you and you were so great to me. You always made sure I was okay. I met you when I was still pure to everything. I never even held a guys hand yet, but you were a lot more experienced than I was in relationships. You taught me how to love someone so much but you also taught me how to be so naive and mislead. I remember the first kiss we started dating August 13th, 2010 we shared our first kiss November 23rd 2010 I don’t know why this date stuck in my head but I remember being so nervous but after we kissed I couldn’t stop kissing you. We were so perfect for so long you took me on dates, you wrote me letters, and you just were my soulmate I was sure. Sometime in late 2011 I lost my virginity to you. It wasn’t how I planned it. We were kissing in your parents garage and we got carried away and we made love for hours that only felt like minutes. I loved you so much throughout the years I fell in love with every part of you. In early 2012 after me and you had made love many times this one time we got extremely carried away and our daughter was conceived. I was scared at first because I was only 14. But you reassured me so much you got a job at age 17 and you worked your ass off you moved me into your house and you took care of me. You took me to ever appointment I had and you were so involved with the baby. You’re such a amazing dad I fell in love you in ways I didn’t know were possible. You were such a good boyfriend and you’re a amazing dad. I had it all. Then your shifts got longer and later and I barely saw you. I felt so needy wanting you to not work as much but I knew you were doing all you could for our little family. Then one day I remember you left your cell phone at home while you were at work and I saw a text that shattered me to pieces. It was unsaved number texting you I miss you fucking me. I ended up snooping more and found out you’ve been cheating on me for at least 7 months… I was so heartbroken. I didn’t know what to do so I took all the pills I could and grabbed a razor blade and I shoved it into my wrist until I passed out. I remember waking up in a hospital room with you next to me. You looked so scared and like you’ve been crying but when you saw I was awake you smiled and held my hand and gave it a squeeze. You said you loved me so much and you were so happy I was okay and I felt my heart sink.. how could you love me and do that to me. I then forgot all about that and froze. I stuttered “What about the … the baby.. is she… okay?” You looked upset and started crying again then managed to say “sweetheart you miscarried… It breaks my heart so much I’m just happy I have you still”. I started crying I was shaking so bad… I lost the baby … what was wrong with me. Later that night I was discharged and I told you I knew you cheated you blamed it on me basically and I took it cause I loved and couldn’t lose you. 2 months later you told me the girl you cheated on me with was pregnant and this killed me… not only did you sleep with another woman… But you also got her pregnant. I don’t know why I didn’t leave you when you told me that but we ended up taking in the baby and I was basically the little girl’s mom and you swore you’d never cheat again. For the next couple of years things were perfect we were happy. Then in 2015 you sat me down one day and told me you were cheating this whole time and you didn’t love me anymore. I remember you said it with no emotion… You broke my whole being with those words… that night I moved back in with my parents and I took all the painkillers in my house and a whole fifth of fireball by myself. My parents found me after I was out this attempt wasn’t like the last one. This one actually killed me. I was dead 5 minutes then they brought me back. You didn’t even show up to see if I was okay. You didn’t care and this made me feel worst. I was hospitalized for a week and put in pine rest for two weeks. In that time I didn’t recover I just did what I had to to get out of there. For the longest time I hated myself but I thank you for showing me how to love and showing me how to hurt. Now I know to deal with heartbreak so thank you for teaching me how to love myself by breaking me down to the worst state possible.

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