I’m weak… but I won’t be for long

I’m weak… but I won’t be for long

I’m weak… but I won’t be for long

LTME-postIf I could’ve pictured my life right now I would’ve never guessed it would suck this bad as it does right now in this moment and has for the past five months. Almost half a year. I thought you and I were going to be together forever… started as little kid puppy love to eternity love growing up. You hurt me so bad when I was so vulnerable in high school & now, I’m 21 almost 22. Still looking back at how shady you did me. And how it messed with my head so mentally and emotionally, idk if I’ll ever be OK. Your choice to leave me and date my cousin for four months who was my best friend. I brought you two around each other. I trusted you both with everything. Then one day, I get blocked from social media from the both of you.. I don’t know anything until someone sends me a picture of you guys kissing and dating obviously. that killed me. I no longer trusted anyone. I didn’t even trust myself. I was so hurt I almost took my own life away bc the two ppl who meant the most to me went ghost and decided they wanted to sleep w each other. Your decision with that made me decide I didn’t care, I didn’t care how much I was drinking, I didn’t care where I was at, who I was with. I didn’t care about anything. After graduation, you decided you wanted to come back into my life. And to this day, I wish you never did. Maybe I wouldn’t be so hurt to this day – bc the decisions I have made the past three years have been based on the ONE decision you decided to make in 2012. I know the past shouldn’t reflect anything , but there’s just no way I was going to get passed it. You sit here now and you tell me “how can you be with someone else when you love me??” No. The question is.. how could you be with my own blood line and be OK with sleeping at night knowing damn well how much it would HURT me. I’m sorry for what you did. I’m sorry it made me who I am today as a person and it sucks for the the next man who steps into my life trying to be with me bc I will forever have a trust issue. Not only w men. But w my own family. We got back together & it was all good until I kept remembering how hurt I was. I tried treating you the best I could.. I tried giving you my everything. I tried forgetting the fact that those lips I was kissing at one point you kissed my cousin with. I guess i wasn’t good enough for you. Now, we’re broken up. After being with each other for eight years. It’s like we never knew each other. I wish you could be able to know the pain I feel every single night. I wish you could know and see how much I hurt bc I really do love you with every bone in my body & it’ll never be the same. Now you’re living life, spending money effortlessly, shopping, bragging about yourself and your new life as a single man.. marketing your social media to the max just doing the most someone thirsty would do. While I’m over here, hovering the bars .. drinking till the last drop in the bottle, smoking cigarettes like a chain smoker. Doing everything a weak person would do. And I’m not weak. But right now and for the past three months since we’ve been completely broken up.. I’m weak. I won’t be for long. And I’m sorry but I cannot wait until the day I fully get over you and move on just the same way you did. Hopefully one day you’ll learn from your mistake and you come to realization I loved you like no one else ever will. I know I’ll probably love you until the day I die but I’m hoping I’ll fall out of love with you. Bc I know for a fact, you don’t love me anymore. & that’s OK.. I’ll be OK

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