Everything I thought I knew was a lie. Everything about you, us, me and this world and beyond have confused me and yet once upon a time I was very very sure of myself.
We broke up so long ago now but I still remember how perfect our relationship felt. How well we got along and the kindness in which we approached each other. Things got tough and you walked away. I learned a lot from the year we had apart.
What I don’t understand, nor do I have time to decipher, is why you are such a serial liar and dater. I don’t know how to separate your genuine gestures and exclamations of love from your lies and cowardice.
We spent 12 months apart and 7 months getting to know each other again, building a friendship and deciding that although I was seeing someone new and very unhappy, that we would fight for what we believed was a soulmate connection. Bearing in mind everything we knew I was giving up had not changed from the year before, and the very reason you left me and betrayed me.
So why after many months of establishing that you are not ready to date someone new, unless it’s me, and stating that you need time to yourself to grow and you promising to yourself, NOT ME, that you would allow yourself ‘me’ time to have fun ‘be normal’ have you fallen into another relationship?
I’m not stupid, I saw connections build up with your outer circle of friends with this girl, lets call her GM. GM was the flatmate you spoke of to me wasn’t she? The one that you brushed past in conversations saying she was your only close flatmate once C moved out.
Why is she friends with Michael even though he’s half-way across the world? Oh I know! Maybe it’s because shes your GF now.. seriously, 3 months in? You never fail to amuse me.
I had a right to move on. And I have. He’s wonderful and he’s everything your coward shell of a man could never be. He treats me honestly, fairly, with strength, intelligence, spoils me even though I fight off the gestures as too much! And he will fight for me when the time comes. Yes, I’m going to bring this man to my parents and tell them HE is the one for me. You’re going to kick yourself one day and I can’t wait till you do because you strung me along, not once, but twice for THREE WHOLE YEARS of my life that I’ll never get back.
You had the cheek to tell me you never regretted our relationship, pah! I never cared to know. It wasn’t YOUR place to regret it.
I don’t wish happiness upon you anymore, I’m indifferent to what you do going forward. I do miss you alot of the time but the broken promises have gotten too much for me to love you and wish for the best. I don’t care who makes you happy because I could’ve given you the world, but you weren’t ready and you’re still a fool.