To my ex,
It is said , that you should never go back to your ex , because they are an ex for a reason. It seems that, through out the 3 years of our on and off relationship, I kept my eyes closed and forgot the reason. I forgot how beautiful I am, because you kept bringing me down and criticized every centimetre of my body. I forgot about my dreams and how to follow them, because you needed someone to support you every possible way through your tantrums. You always said “I just need someone to not give up on me” then rushed to call me names, argue with me, cussing me in every way you thought it seems fit, causing arguments just for the fun of it. And even when I explained I don’t agree with call names , you always defended yourself with” Oh but your too sensitive, it was just a joke.” And even when I started to work on my dreams and get ahead with my career, you were jealous and started to eat away at my confidence. But still posting the façade of ” I support you”.
I forgot that without trust, a relationship can never exist. I choose to trust you, even when you said ” I respect you , so this is why I’m telling you that I’m going out tomorrow morning for coffee with one of my female friends. So you won’t think, there’s something between us.” Then 3 weeks later to find out, you went out for drinks a night before with her. I got you lying ,but still I choose to trust you because I loved you. I forgave you, though you never apologized. Even when this same friend whom you claimed she had herpes so you are disgusted and there’s no way you could sleep with her, was just coming by your house way too often, because she needed a friend to talk to’ as she was depressed. Why you never introduced us to each other ? Why every time she was at your house, you cut all communication with me. Once even for 2 days straight.
I forgot how to be happy. Because you were always so negative, always blaming your family,friends and me for the failures of your life. Your family lived on a whole different continent and you weren’t speaking with them. Saying you can’t get over your rough childhood , and dismissed my help and pushed me away. Even when I told you it would be a good idea to talk to a psychologist about it.
I forgot my friends, because you constantly wanted all my attention. I forgot about my extraordinary family who embraced you and treated you like a son. You never really cared. You just played the role of a martyr and the pity card.
And in the end, I forgot about me. I forgot how to laugh, how to enjoy life, how to be happy.People used to tell me before, I have an amazing smile. But you brought me to a state that I had forgotten how a smile is formed. I forgot about me, until I felt I suffocate. And that was the moment, I’ve opened my eyes and I’ve seen you for what you are. Ruining Christmases year after year, even though I told you is my favourite holiday. Feeling jealous of other girls who used to get flowers on Valentine’s but you came up with the excuse ” It’s just a commercial holiday , like Christmas you know.” Forgetting even when we met the first time, so anniversaries or even birthdays were never celebrated. I have loved you, in the best way that I could. I have loved you and stood beside you, even when you did all the above. I guess I gave you my all but it wasn’t enough.
Dear ex, I have opened my eyes and I see . I have just wasted 3 years of my life, but I grew so much stronger. I am not going to revenge on you. I am over you, I am calm and happy. Something I have missed to feel. I even smile now. My best revenge, will be a good life lived. I will run after my dreams, I will walk by my family , I will travel with my friends, I will enjoy even the smallest things in life. And that’s a promise to myself.
And when the time is right, I know for sure I will love again. No doubt about it.