The more I think about the issues the more I see you were never really being honest with me. I remember back in December, you changed the password on your phone. You claimed that it was due to being a new number but I knew that wasn’t true. It was you hiding something from me. You still continued to share time with me and my family with mistreating me. I knew the behavior was weird but I overlooked it due to love of my heart. Then one day, I was laying in the bed beside you and “the dream came up that you went into another room with a woman. I left you there with her. It broke my heart but it was a short while later she that you came back.” I addressed you, it indicated you cheated and you said no! Well shortly after, we discussed that you and I would do social media. That I would return back home! By January, you gave me back the keys back and then you reneged on the deal of social media. I argued with you endlessly, I knew you were hiding something. Shortly afterwards, I stayed with you for a few days as we discussed in the end of January. You and I had a true lovely four days. Not an argument in sight, the only issue is you were in one room and I in another. I left after four days, as I didn’t want to become comfortable there and it felt so foreign. There was distance, you wanted to watch movies and we did that…. THINGS were great! But one thing alarmed me was the strand of long black hair that was sitting on the window pane. I ran to the living room and said please tell me there wasn’t another woman here and you said no. Then I went in the room ignoring it! THINGS WERE STILL GREAT! You called me, you wanted to be present.
Then when I would call you or text you, it was the beginning of February, you truly made it to be no time for me. I was upset! You’d always have an excuse to why you had no time. Gym, Work, Preparation of Food, I begged you and shoved you to make a smidget of your time available to me. You did not! You argued that I didn’t understand, which that was never true. The days you had off was the days, I could have seen your face, regardless of your gym outings. I never once stopped you for the gym, nor have I ever gotten in the way. I made major plans for us for your birthday! On february 3, 2017, You shifted I called you and said if you don’t make time after your birthday it isn’t going to work. In hopes, you would make the right time for me. Instead, the next day you no call, no text and shortly afterwards you said that I said it was over. Actually, I did not but you said you know what this isn’t going to workout. I was upset, I told you I would bring you the key. You said okay, and when I seen you I can tell you loved me. I left with refusal of giving you the key. You called me angry! I was like take my name off the lease. You wanted to hurt me! Nevertheless, things went sour there….
I begged you to give it another chance, I begged you to be there, I begged you to reconcile what was lost, I begged to let your pain fuel your heart, I begged you to do what was best for the both us. You kept saying, we argue to much! This you already knew was the pain your heart had felt. You hide your feelings! You wouldn’t let me in! You just let the pain separate us, and blamed me. You were angry for all the wrong reasons and that caused a distant, aloof and you claim you don’t want to be forced into anything. You needed to get your mojo back. Then I noticed you calling another woman beautiful on social media, and Ironically I had questioned you before to find out why you would only take photo’s of your solo self. While sharing time with me and my family.
Then January’s blow out happened, we worked through all of it. You turned and sang a different tune. We did January together, Argued in February for your time, you found her beautiful by the end of February to which I questioned. By March, you were distant but uncertain. We slept together, to which you said it was complicated. It was you seeing her that was complicated. You were telling me the truth. I think I earned the right to be told the truth. You said by April, you didn’t want any man picking me up and there was a no show. You knew then that you really didn’t want to be there, and I wish you would have been honest. Then you were suppose to be there in April but the truth is you didn’t appear. You didn’t call nor did you texted me. Then is when you made up in your mind, I wasn’t worth it. You could have been honest that you found a new love. You could have been honest that this was your mojo. You could have respected me like I did you by not sleeping with me and her too. It broke my heart to believe in someone who no longer respected me and lies to me. I literally held out on talking to other men waiting for you to come to a decision. You told me if, I talked to anyone you would never be my friend. I held on for you. I never once cheated on you, didn’t talk to anyone, wasn’t disloyal and loved you despite the issues unconditionally.
We talked about the building of our family, later to find out you were already doing that with another woman. That didn’t break my heart, what broke my heart was that you actually risk my body and her’s by sleeping with us both raw. Then to think by sleeping with me, in my ass you tried to break it. You knew, you wouldn’t be around and you tried to hurt me. You kept saying you don’t see me as a slide. That it complicates things but really it just complicated you flip flopping between to woman you proclaimed to have loved. An me believing in you being someone you truly were not, I counted on the heart I knew that once loved me. The heart I thought was pure and untainted. Later to find out, you were lying the whole time. You lied and gave me your ass to kiss. I knew you were toxic but counted on you to be real. REAL YOU WERE NOT! So, to see the announcement of another woman on facebook was a funny matter to me. That you can love someone so quickly, while the other woman “Me” always had your back. Would have given you my blood and kidney if you needed it. It doesn’t matter anymore, I wish you and your new love the best of luck.
WHILE, I wish I could be upset. I simply can’t because you saved me for years to come of infidelity and probably even divorce. I deserve someone who will love me during the struggles, who will not shy away from the hard times, to look for another woman to fulfill him. You are chasing emptiness and sorrow. You haven’t touch your own issues that are deep inside of you. Blaming every woman for the issues of your mother’s absence, your aunt betrayal and now absence and the cousin’s absence. You seek outwardly to define you rather then inwardly. You never having a true manly figure, having to patch your issues together, made you feel you are manly but in reality you are lost. It took for me to write this to see, you would have never been a great man to me. You can’t even be a great man for yourself. You hide behind the SANITATION, CIGARS, and SOCIAL CLUB. But, behind the walls you suffer in the deepening of your pain. You being very insecure! Never truly believed in yourself and you had that in me. You didn’t have to provide for me nor us alone. I wanted to do the very same. The day will come where you will see, the voiding made you conflicted to indulge in a woman that doesn’t truly love you and honestly you lust her.
It wasn’t until now, I realize you lived a unfulfilling life inside of you. YOU made it about me. In reality, I wanted the best for you, the best for us, and the best for our future family. You can tell the world I was drama but I only cried for your time. I only wanted to be certain you’re waking up every hour wasn’t alarming to your health. I made sure you ate, I made sure you had a clean house, I made sure sex was fun, I made life fun for us, I made sure you knew how special and important you were to this world. No matter what happened, I would always be by your side. I made sure, you didn’t lack anything. I fell behind on my career, and I pushed through still waiting for the doors to open. I left the home we once shared to reconcile a clean slate and never left you alone. I shared my world with you and you had nothing to worry about.
Meanwhile, I was lacking from you, the emotional compassion, I was lacking the communication to discuss my desires and my obstacles, I was lacking the presence while I lived with you of you! You were always the one I took care of, I didn’t need you to pay any of my personal bills. It was never about money; I didn’t care about the $. I make my own and when the going gets tough I will hustle to find my way. I only requested your heart! LOYALTY AND RESPECT was a given. Instead, I constantly felt depleted and empty inside. LONELY, in a relationship that should have been fulfilled. I felt lost between wanted to leave and staying in efforts not to hurt you. I wanted so much to change the course of our lives but you rejected it. Growing angry and angrier. You demeaned my value and grew annoyed by the way I compiled information. You said I take to long to explain things and you want me to get straight to the point.
You said I was deep about everything and that everything wasn’t deep. Well the truth is, you didn’t want me to get deep in your head because then I was to close to you. Then I would find who you really were and then you would be vulnerable. You battled between she is a package but am I really a packaged for her. You’d say I am alright, when I lifted you up! I told you I loved you beyond who you betrayed your identity. A love you had never experienced in your life. You grew angry at me because I demanded my respect. I demanded for you to give more. I wasn’t the woman that relied on you. I wasn’t the doormat like so many other women allow themselves to be daily. You are right, you never experience a woman to my caliber. Someone who can turn anything inside out. You were afraid when I got on my feet I would make more than you. You said it numerous times self consciously. You were afraid that the Alpha woman “ME” would really turn around and be bigger and better than you. Once I told you, I wasn’t going to be a maybe, If’s, and there would be no indecisiveness. I basically pushed you towards her because now you have no more options. She had to be the “INCREDIBLE WOMAN” so that when people see me single, they’d say well he didn’t get played. Right now, you think you won!
LOL! The truth is you got a discounted woman to replaced a full priced woman that had different values. See usually when a business discounts an item. They make the less sellable one’s less expensive. The other things of value such as a luxury designer rarely get discounts. So for example, you took a nissan over a porsche. YOU CHEATED YOURSELF. You did me the honors by showing your true colors. You opened the opportunities up for another man to value me the way you did not and for real I am grateful for it. I wasn’t the one you chose anymore but the truth is you knew you would lose me anyway. So, you were afraid to go farther.
As I heal, I know now to follow my heart and the entering of the right man will follow. Best of luck with your life but I will assure you. You will be back, not because I think I am all that to which I do. You will be back because you will never ever find the custom made diamond you once had in the palm of your hands. God will make you pay for your karma, when you see someone else holds me, my baby is born, and life has moved on without you. You will be upset because you settled for counterfeit. An while who knows, what holds the glue of you two and who cares. One thing, I know is anyone you see during a true relationship can only be one thing. A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP, which means a counterfeit settlement.
GOOD-BYE OL’ PAST
THANK YOU FOR THE LESSONS,
Daniela Michelle Couvertier XOXO