For Milquetoast

For Milquetoast

For Milquetoast

LTME-postHere I sit again, writing to you. It’s April 21st. Do you remember that a year ago, around this time, we started a relationship? I hope that you and your new girl are making it through, I really do. I wrote this to let you know that I am doing quite well. I’m a bit worried with finals coming up, but I have found a way to control my anxiety and depression. I noticed that work to the point of exhaustion really helps with it all. I have dated a lot since our breakup and I’ve learned so much. I have too much to tell you and I can’t. I made a decision to not ever chase anyone ever again. That way, I won’t ever encounter a person that doesn’t care enough. I never was a coward about the whole dating scene, though. If I was not interested in a person anymore, I gave an explanation before walking away. I think that that is what being mature truly is, to not leave someone in the dark. Like I did to you. So I wanted to tell you that I was sorry. I don’t want to come off as weird, but it is difficult to message you on social media. I have already asked for forgiveness and you said that it was alright, but you were just being polite and you never asked why I left. Plus, I’ve always been a fan of letters. Time is slipping past me, faster and faster, and I couldn’t help but think of how you were always an important part of my life. And I know that you think I played you, but I never did. The minute that I called it off, I knew that it was a mistake. I was too young and too scared to know any better. I was falling in love with someone who I thought and still think never truly cared for me. I’m no longer mad or confused. I don’t want to know the truth anymore. All that I know is that you changed me in a way that cannot be described well. You taught me what intimacy was. You gave me memories that I’ll take to my grave. I hope that you think of me once in a while, because you often pop up in my thoughts. I’m sorry that I left without trying to work us out and I’m sorry that you so readily left me go. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you, that was the biggest mistake that I have ever made. It took a long time to forgive myself for letting go of you. At the time, I didn’t undersand how to fix you on top of trying to fix myself, I didn’t know how to save you. I know now, that I never had to.

1 Comment

  1. Pancit 2 months ago

    If you ever felt I didn’t care enough for you, Inke… I would have given you the world.

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