So everything is clear

So everything is clear

So everything is clear

LTME-postI am glad you are gone and over me so fast. Now let’s go over everything. First off I talked to my massage therapist about things I shouldn’t have like sports bras and working out. Since you wanted to start working out I did not know what kind of things where needed I am not a woman. When we eventually started working out you found it hard to the point you gave up and broke down. I was only trying to help you out. I tried to motivate you so you could try but it was still too much. I did not mean to come off as overbearing. Next you say that I kept things from you. If you don’t recall you did not want to hear them. I told you that people were hitting on me and flirting with me I even told them to get away from me. I told you that it made me feel uncomfortable that they did this I thought I could tell you since you were my girlfriend and a person I could confide in. Yet you told me to not let you know about this it is the only thing I ever kept from you because you chose to not know. To continue when I texted you I did not appreciate you accusing me of breaking your mirrors. The only reason I asked about your car was because I was usually the one going out of my way to fix it for you all the time. Yet you accuse me of this childish act. I don’t screw with people or their belongings. You told me to stay away and I have and will continue to do so. If I was a childish piece I would charge you for the time and service and parts for the work done on your car that you could not afford. So to answer your question no I did not break your mirrors. I find it numbing that you would get angry with me all the time when we ran a little late to a movie or to get something to eat. You usually didn’t know what time you would get to my place due to traffic. I didn’t know how long it might take you to do your work so it is pretty hard to plan things on restricted time. On that note you would get angry when I try to do things out of spontaneity like go anywhere or do anything. But when your friends did this you wouldn’t bat a freaking eye at them or raise any concern. I didn’t mind that you would spend days with your friends. You know the ones you told me always left you out of things and talked over you like you didn’t matter. You said this made you feel unwanted and I apologize if I did the same. It was not my intention. Yes I was jealous from not being able to appease you like your guy friends. I understand that you had classes with them. I didn’t ever tell you not to go out and have fun with them. I said to go have fun why worry. I said that yes I would be jealous but it was okay I would get over it. I guess it is a fault only I have. I asked things of you like more time and sex and you said that I was controlling. The only thing I made you do was stop trying to spend more time with me and stop trying to have more sex with me. You not having time due to class and class work and seeing how it made you feel when you tried went against your values and morals. Seeing you like that killed me because that was not the person I had fallen in love with and did not want to force you against your will for anything. Now some real heavy s***. I don’t blame you for hitting me both times. The first time at your parents house where you threw something at me and it hit my leg. Yes it hurt emotionally and physically but I dealt with it and tried to move on. The second time you hit me was at my place yet again you threw something but this time it hit in a real bad spot. It hit right on my back injury which sucks because I couldn’t move my legs anymore. I had to bury my face in my mattress scream and cry because I thought I was never going to walk again. Yet again I was in emotional and physical pain and very distressed. Now talking to my therapist about this she said the first time may have been a mistake but the second time you knew what you were doing. This is called assault, domestic violence, or domestic disturbance. I still remember the night you broke up with me at the Qwasha dance (which I enjoyed by the way go figure) when you said to me that you wanted to hit me yet again. Now I don’t blame you because you said that you have seen your mother and father yell, flip tables, throw things at each other, and get violent with each other in general when they had a fight. You even had a cute little saying you would yell “Release the Kraken” when they started to do this. Like I said I don’t blame you because you have grown up being exposed to people handling the relationship like this when there is a disagreement. Even though I don’t blame you it still wasn’t right for you to hit me on both occasions or to threaten to hit me a third. Yet you wondered why I tried to fix everything. It was because I thought I was the one at fault all the time and I had to find a way to make it better. You asked me to find help in the form of therapy because of this. Yes I admit that I was in denial and afraid to take that first step. When I told you that I started to go to therapy you yet again blew up on me because I didn’t let you know. Which made me feel that I again wronged you in some way. I ended up cancelling my appoinment because I didn’t want to anger you again. I thought it was my fault and was at a loss because you were the person who asked me to go. I didn’t know what to do yet again. Now since the day you assaulted me my legs have not been the same. Years of physical therapy, massage therapy, chiropractic work, and acupuncture went down the drain. I have yet to feel my legs like before these incidents. They are numb and burn all the time. I lose strength in them and they give out, twitch and shake like I told you they used to do and like you have seen them do. I will touch briefly on sex and you wanting to experiment. I should have never even tried anything because it made you very uncomfortable and I wish I could take it all back every word and action. You said to me that you didn’t want marriage and I told you that I don’t believe in it anymore so why would you think that I wanted to marry you? I said that maybe one day someone could change mind. I apologize if you think I was trying to marry you. I apologize for making you feel trapped or like a mother it was never my intention. I know you don’t want children you told me yourself. Which is why everytime you would come over I would try to take my daughter to be taken care of by my mother or sisters. I tried to take her so you wouldn’t feel that way. Even through all of this I tried my best to support you in all of your endevours, homework, and whatever else. I was only trying to be supportive of you. I had to stop that because it became too overbearing for you. I had to stop going over to your house because you said I had become more of a distraction due to the dog barking and me trying to hold your hand or kiss you. I couldn’t hold your hand sometimes because we both had work to get done but I still tried. I do apologize that the pain in my body, which I can’t control, would make me seem angry or irritable towards you. It is not your fault. Even after all of this heinous garbage I tried to support you and I still don’t blame you. I blame me for not walking away sooner. I am glad that you moved on so quickly I’m happy for you really I am. Now the reason I contacted you the other day was to find closure that is all. Have a nive life I hope you get everything you deserve.
Sincerely not your,
Hercules

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