It hurts. Everything still hurts. I try to ignore it but there are so many little reminders of you. This morning I packed all of the things you’ve given me as gifts so they aren’t a constant reminder of the time I wasted with you. I put so much effort into making you happy, i would clean your whole apartment while you were at work just to surprise you. I put together surprise birthday dinners, concerts and gifts all just to see you smile. You didn’t even request time off for my birthday. You led me on for a year and half and had me convinced that you loved me. You took me out to meet your mom in another state after only a couple months of dating. You made me meet all of your friends and family all while knowing you didn’t see a future with me. You were selfish, not in the way of not paying for things, but in the way of using me as a distraction from your life problems. I know that your ex did wrong to you and I know you thought of her the whole time you were with me, but I tried to see the good in you anyway. I tried to make myself believe that I could be the one to make you happy. All the arguments we had and all the times you told me you had no true feelings for me tore me apart, but I still let you come back. I don’t know if that was because i was stupid to trust you over and over again or if I truly believed that this could work. One day you would talk about us moving into together and getting a dog and being happy, and the next day you would turn cold and harsh and say that this is never going anywhere. Why? Why did I continue to let you into my life even after the 5th time that you pulled that shit on me? I truly loved you, but you turned into someone that I don’t want to know. So this one’s for you, I know you will never see this message and you wouldn’t care if you did. Thank you for breaking my heart and making me realize that I am a better person when you are not around. While i was with you I turned into someone that I was not happy with. I will try to move on, I will try to become the person i was before I met you. So thank you for being the one to end such a toxic relationship.
This one’s for you