To my ex
( if by chance your reading this please just read what I have to say at least you owe me that don’t you?)
Was leaving me easy? Was that your plan all along? What was I? A time passer? , ego boost?, a pawn in your game?
Was it easy for you to break every single promise you made me and lie to me? These are the questions that spin around my head where are you to answer them?
What you left behind is breaking my heart making me think you never really cared I NEARLY DIED PROTECTING YOU! Some days I wish I did least then I wouldn’t have to deal with this pain day in day out.
I’m gonna use your favourite words “me” and “want” because that’s all that mattered to you isn’t it , what YOU wanted, how you felt that’s all I cared about could you say the same for me?..
what you left behind is me having nightmares on a loop, nothing to hold onto in life, that feeling that my heart is getting crushed to the point I can’t breath.
A picture , a thought , a memory all things that make me think of you always end in tears yet you just walked away like I was nothing cut me off like I was in the wrong. You broke my heart twice first is when you were cowardly breaking up with me over the phone the second was I watched you look at the flowers and letter I gave you and didn’t even pick them up like I was rubbish worth nothing in your pathetic lie of a life! If your crying reading this all I can say is 2 things…
1. Welcome to my world
2. Maybe you’ll realise what you say hurts
I put you above everything and never got the same I was never a priority. The night I was stabbed protecting you I never thought anything else but YOU cause your the only one that matters right? Not caring who you hurt in the process huh?
You hurt me countless times think about it!
1. Changing plans me acting I was fine about it
2. Fake promises,lies and the ” I love you”
Did you love me when I nearly bled to death? Or even when I left hospital just make sure you were okay?
Truth is and I realise this now you only loved me when something was in it for you
So all I can say is thanks for turning out to be the girl I wish I never met I think to myself what if I didn’t turn up that day see you doubted me from the beginning I proved you wrong! But me… silly shans let herself get her heartbroken again never doubted you for a minute fallen under your delusions now i see EVERYTHING clearly I see YOU for WHO YOU REALLY ARE!
I’m not gonna focus on the what ifs? Andmaybes life’s too short for that part of me will always love you just who I am no matter how much I should hate you I can’t now I’m forced to see goodbye and subjected to a lifetime of unanswered questions
Maybe that will change one day … maybe not