To the man who I knew it wouldn’t work with,
Hey, how are you?
It’s been about two months now since you ended things. I’m not angry, I’m not bitter hey I’m not really even sad anymore. Well sorta kinda?
You cross my mind almost every day though. I wish I could ask you how you are, how’s your kids, what’s happening with work? Did you get around to clothes shopping? Did you plan that house boating trip?
Are you seeing someone new now?
Are you happy?
I genuinely hope you are well and I hope that whomever you are with now is a better fit for you than I could be. I’m sorry I wasn’t that person for you and I forgive you for not being able to be that person for me
Hindsight is always 20/20 right? And I suppose it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. But my God I wanted it to. I wanted us. I wanted to finally be able to say a relationship worked and I didn’t mess things up with another man. Maybe it wasn’t about you as to why I felt like I failed. Felt, feel? I’m not exactly sure what or rather where I am with that.
It’s like you are a ghost to me now. You aren’t in my life anymore and I’m dealing with it. I’m slowly accepting that you aren’t coming back. I promise I’m trying.
I want you to know that I saw myself falling in love with you. I saw us being a forever and by how you were talking I thought you saw that too.
I forgive you for being a coward and breaking up with me over the phone.
I forgive you for not doing it in person two days before when we spent that last night together.
I forgive you for not being who I romanticized in my head and created.
Maybe I was so tired of things not working out and you were the first ‘normal’ man I had been with in years. Maybe I just like the idea of you but not actually you. Maybe I made everything up in my head. Or maybe you never really did care.
At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you thought I was going to grow a third arm, or if I was too much or too little for you or if you just got bored or you wanted to sleep with 30 different woman.
What matters is you no longer felt the need to put effort into being in my life and as much as that hurt me more than you may ever understand, I have to respect your decision.
I respect your decision to leave even if I don’t understand it fully.
And if I ever see you in passing, I promise I’ll wave and smile and wish you all the best in the world.
I hope you are happy even though I’m not part of that happiness.
The woman you said you wanted to marry while going through a divorce