Still

LTME-postSam,

I don’t know why, after 8 years, I still get a pain in my chest that goes down to my fingertips when I think about you. It makes me angry and hurt all over, every time. I think about how invested I was in you, and how naive I was. Its crazy because you are younger than me, but at the time you had more dating experience. I never told you but you were my first love, which made what you did so much harder for me. Even now it pains me to think of how low you put me, even to myself. I still have issues with trust; I cant let anybody else in, and I think thats why you are still in there and I hate you for it.

I remember you telling me once that you would think about what you would say to me if you ever ran into me after we broke up. I couldn’t understand why you would tell me that; In retrospect it seems like part of your game. I don’t know why you felt compelled to play me, and that troubles me still.

It hurts knowing that you don’t give me a thought, not enough to come to this website on your own anyway. If you do read this, I’m sorry. I wasn’t strong enough to walk away and not look back…

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