An open letter to my first love,
It has been a few days since you decided to give up on our relationship. You are the first girl who I fully loved, and it breaks my heart that despite everything that I’ve done, I couldn’t save what we have. This letter is for you, I want you to know how much I cherished you and how important you were, are, and will still be to me.
You may or may not read this, but I just want to say that you are the first one to make me see life in a different way. You made my life worthwhile, you filled it with excitement and passion that even if it’s exhausting, I never felt tired.
For the past years, I have struggled to find and love someone fully, but from the day we’ve met and first talked, I knew that we’d be close and fit together in a way that I have never experienced with any other person. I was alone, but then here comes a person who I can completely be weird with. I didn’t care if you saw me acting silly or making weird faces when I tell you something, cause you’d listen intently to my short stories and random ramblings that I would never share with anybody, and laugh when I say something stupid or make a terrible corny joke. You understand my weird sense of humor and accepted me for who I am, even if you can’t understand why I like watching Marvel movies and Game of Thrones, or how I’d rather stay at home on the weekends. I’ve never been so comfortable with someone until I met you.
And when I need someone to just listen to me after a long day of work, you are the one I turn to, especially on bad days. You know exactly how to annoy me and then how to make me laugh so that I can’t ever truly be annoyed with you. You are the girl that I’ve always dreamed of and I am so thankful each day that we met.
Both of us were committed to our relationship and our love was only for us to share. Our freedom and dreams were never compromised because we both always supported each other and believed that we could do anything.
Looking back, I never did mention to you that I sometimes get jealous and worried whenever you’re out with your friends but it was only because I feared of losing you, and no matter how much you told me you loved me and how much I trusted you, I will still feel a bit scared. I know you felt similarly. Even though we were always ourselves in our relationship, we never got too comfortable.
This is why it is so difficult for me to accept what’s happening to us right now. To not glimpse back at our memories, to remember the butterflies in my stomach each time I saw you and feel a little out of breath whenever I’m with you.
Our relationship was magical, come to think of it, it was strong and powerful. Sometimes, I even wonder if it really was happening because now, it’s going to end so abruptly, without me even having a chance to save it. I guess this is why you are my first love, I miss you, I miss us. The wound is still fresh, it hurts, and it will still continue to hurt every passing day, but there is no hate, there is no anger, all I feel for you is love.
Remember how I always remind you how I just wanted you to always be happy? I will always still remind you that. But it kills me a little that we cannot be happy together.
I guess sometimes things have to come to an end, even the thought of our perfect relationship. I know there’s a lot of things that’s bothering you right now, that you are confused of what you still want to do with your life, and even though it fills me with grief that you decided to give up everything we’ve built so you can pursue them, just know that I have always and will continue to support every decision you make, that I will pray that you find what you’re looking for and achieve your dreams, and that I will eventually be able to accept and understand your decision, it may take a while but I’ll be okay, not right now, but someday. I know that I’ll be better.
I’ve already done everything that I can, and now I will entrust everything to God, I know that He’ll guide you everyday and I will always pray for you. You will always be my favorite blessing from Him. And if the time comes that our paths will cross again, I hope that both of us will be the best versions of ourselves. I want to wait for you, I want to be with you, but perhaps God saw that both of us still have things to work out in our lives. So let’s both pray and believe in His plans for us. I know that someday there’ll be a time for us.
Thank you for everything, you left me with the ability to love and to cherish, to never give up on something that matters, to never give up on love. I just wish we could’ve done something to save our relationship. But as the song “Walang hanggan” goes;
“Kung ika’y mawawala sa aking piling,
Dinggin mo aking bilin.
Lingon ka lang paminsan minsan.
Dito lang ako. Di ako lilisan.
Sa aking dulo, di ako lilisan”
I know that this is not the last time that we’ll see each other, so no goodbyes, just see you later. I want to thank you for being my first love, my first everything.
Live well and be happy.