To the guy that broke things off with me because he “wasn’t ready”
More than a year has passed and finally I’m strong enough to speak about you. Back then I thought my world came crashing down on me, because the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with told me he wasn’t ready for a commitment. That night we sat outside my house and you told me you didn’t see this “situationship” going anywhere. You said you weren’t ready to commit to anyone; how much you wished you were ready because I’m absolutely amazing, the perfect women.
I’ve known you for at least 10 years through mutual friends, our siblings are friends and for that reason you were in my life way before you actually were really in my life. We were always nothing but friendly towards each other. One day I received that Facebook message from you. We chatted for a day or two before you asked me out for a drink one “Thirsty Thursday night”. I of cause gladly accepted, as the week before that I ended things with a “f*ck boy”. We grabbed a drink, which led to about 10 more, which led to a huge make out session. We saw each other every day thereafter for the next three months. Days and nights filled with open air cinema dates, boat trips, romantic dates, walks on the beach, cuddling sessions, playful antics, spending time together with family and friends. It was something so perfect that I couldn’t help but fall madly in love with you (or so I thought).
Easy how I forget those nights when you would get so drunk being out with friends I would have to wake up at ridiculous hours to fetch you, how you would never want to hold my hand in public, how we’d always be around my family and hardly ever around yours, how I’d always have to plan everything and you wouldn’t lift a finger, how insecure you made me feel…those are the moments I used to get over you.
After three months I was becoming anxious as to why I haven’t gotten the girlfriend label yet. Every time I’d ask you about it, you’d change the subject or tell me how much you hate talking about these things. I told you that I loved you and you told me you loved me too. I for sure thought that after that it was just a matter of time before we’re official. Looking back now I realized just how naive I actually was.
Another few weeks went by and I couldn’t take it anymore. I could feel you pulling away; I could feel myself pulling away. We went from seeing each other every day, to you pop in once a week or I would see you with friends one day over the weekend. My heart was breaking. After being single for four years, and you being the person that I thought would change all that, I had to have the talk. Somehow I knew that things would end that night. I was hoping for a miracle, that you’d somehow realized and seen all the things I’ve done for you, everything I would have and wanted to be with you. I wished that you wouldn’t tell me that you didn’t want to be with me. That night turned out exactly how I knew it would. You leaving my house with me sitting crying and wishing that somehow I’d done something different and blaming myself for everything.
A month later your friends couldn’t wait to tell me how you and your ex-girlfriend are back together. This would be the same ex that cheated on you at least 10 times, the same ex that you swore to me, your friends and yourself you would never get back together with. Who am I to judge right? What flips me out is that you had to break my heart in order to realize that psycho girlfriend is actually what you really wanted in the first place.
The past year has been some of the happiest times I could have asked for. I am proud to say I did not find comfort in the rebound “f*ck boy” a month after we ended things. Instead, I found comfort in friends. I’ve made amazing friends this past year, reconnected with old ones and had amazing experiences. I’ve come to realize that I now value all the things that you hated about me. Those are the things that make me special; quirks and all.
I recently started seeing someone. I couldn’t help but compare how we started to how things are going with me and him right now. We’ve been dating for about three months now, and everything about him is different. With him I’ve realized what I deserve in someone. He’s everything you never were, and I couldn’t love him any more for that alone.
So finally, this is me wishing you happiness.
This is me letting you go…for good. This is me saying goodbye and good riddance.
“The girl that’s finally over you”