tyler chase,

I still love you with every bone inside my body.
I shouldn’t love you, you gave me no reason to love you when you know I was going through a hard and stressful time but you still left me. I didn’t blame you one bit. I put it all on me. funny thing is I still don’t blame you.
I would go to the next universe and back just to be with you again.. you made me truly happy. you were my light, you were my world. we had these plans for the future, you were gunna go to the navy to get out of your home situation and I was gunna finish school then move close to your mom and help take care of your siblings. after you got out we were gunna travel then start our family, krimzen rhae and ace wyatt, our babies. I prayed for our future tyler. I prayed for you, I prayed for you when your stepdad would get stupid drunk, I prayed for you when you would go out and party, I prayed for you when you would fight, I prayed for you tyler chase. yet here I am. its been a little less than a month and I cant sleep worth shit, yet I still don’t blame you. I cry for you at night. I want you everyday and every night. my heart has this constant feeling of sadness and heartbreak, it never stops. you are the love of my life tyler chase, I still need you and it kills me inside because I know you will be just fine without me. you told me you loved me but thinking about it I don’t think you meant it. did you even tell anyone about us? because I told everyone including your ex. I was so proud and blessed to be with you. I felt so special to be able to tell someone you were mine but was I yours? I cared about you so much. I still do, I still wish you the entire world and more. I still wanna have that special time of meeting you, you know when we meet at the airport… even if you don’t wanna be with me I still wanna meet you, especially before you live for basic. I miss you. I miss the snaps of you singing in the shower. I miss talking to you. I miss being able to see your face even if its through a phone, I know long distance is hard but I would’ve made it work. I don’t give two shits if my parents don’t like you, I do. that’s all that matters. I hope you remember that when everyone else was against you I was still here. I will always be here for you tyler chase.

you know when I got my toes painted red? your favorite color.. I had to take it off. I couldn’t stand it. trying to explain why I took them off was so hard. I cant listen to certain songs now because they remind me of you. theres a russ song I cant listen to because its the song I was listening to when you sent the first ever message to me. ” do I know you? ”

just know I’m trying to forget you but its so damn hard… I try to push you out of my head but you always squeeze back in..