I’ve been trying to figure out what to say for months now. Trying to grasp onto the words inside of my head but they won’t come out. it’s been a while since I’ve heard that voice of yours that I love. Since I’ve heard that laugh that I know you hate but sounded like music to my ears. Words can’t express how terrified I am to write this but I’m writing to tell you everything I wanted to scream out to make you stay. Ive never felt this hopeless in my life. I mean I think of you everyday. you’re everywhere. You’re in the halls, even the fucking moon reminds me of you and I fucking hate it because it just makes me miss you more. Without you life just doesn’t even seem right. When you and I were together everything felt right for some time, like all the pieces of the puzzle were in place but now It seems as if I lost the last piece that I need for it to be complete.
You taught me many valuable things and I could never thank you enough for that. You showed me how great love is. Before you I didn’t believe in the idea of love or happy endings. I could care less about the feeling of it. All those cliche movies and songs sounded dumb to me. I was just another confused girl that didn’t know how beautiful life could be, but as time passed I saw life in your blue green eyes.
I’m still falling for you. even after everything that happened. after I haven’t talked to you for months, after you chose her and not me, after you told me you moved on. It’s pathetic but I still miss you. I miss going to your work seeing your eyes light up as you take my order. I miss listening to you explain the stars and where the constellations are. We’d lay and laugh at nothing for hours. You’d look up at the stars I’d look at you as my head lays on your chest and I can hear the sound of your heart beating. That very night was when I realized nothing could get better then this, I had the guy of my dreams and it was incredible while it lasted. The thing is I took all of that for granted, I took you for granted and I will never forgive myself for that. When I think of you I sit and wonder if it would’ve been better never meeting you. If it would’ve been better never being heart broken and never wishing that if I said something else you’d still be here. But we did meet and as bad as it is to say I’m glad we met. it changed me. It’s been four months, what has felt like years without you and I’ll never look at love the same way. I’d do anything to see your smile or to squeeze you’re hand three times signaling the phrase “I love you”. I’d do anything to try again.
Our relationship through those months was hard on the both of us, many tosses, many turns, many ups and many downs, but I’ve never regretted being with you for a second. Even after those terrible things you’ve said to me I’ve never regretting being your girlfriend. Even after we fought constantly I never wanted you to leave, and It sucks because in the end you did leave, and I don’t blame you got sick of fighting constantly and I did too but I never wanted to let all the good times go. Even our time together was so short even though it felt like a lifetime. Our promises that we would get married one day and we’d buy a house on the lake had been broken even though I truly believed you were the one for me. It’s crazy to say that I fell in love with you a week after I met you but I guess you have that effect on people.
I saw you the other day, you looked happy. I watched as you pulled her close and kissed her forehead and my heart broke. I felt trapped I knew that should’ve been me. I wanted to run but I stopped in my tracks locked eyes with you and sent a smile. I thought that maybe if I said something you still would’ve been here. I wanted you to be happy, even if that brought me down so that’s what I did. I let you go.
I’d love nothing more then to be in your arms. Evan I wish nothing more then to rewind the clocks and tell you how much I care, how much I fucking love you more then she does, how much I wanted you to stay because if only you knew how many nights I’ve stayed up trying to figure out what I did wrong you’d be here. Maybe our paths will cross again later on in life I will always love you, for now see you in the halls.