That happy me doesn’t exist anymore

That happy me doesn’t exist anymore

That happy me doesn’t exist anymore

LTME-postHey so its been like, five months since we broke up and, well, I’m not over you. I look for you in every new guy I meet. Our memories flood my mind every time I close my eyes. Your smile is burned into the back of my mind, the heat of your hand lingers on my fingers. I know you’ve moved on, cause like, you’ve straight up said it, and me continuing to talk to you probably just pisses you off, but babe, I… I still love you. I’ve tried everything to drown out our memories, but everything I try just brings up more smiles we had shared, and brings new tears to my eyes. You will never get to ever read this message, because as soon as I’m done typing this, I’m pasting it into a document, and then deleting it from here, putting it away, making it so you’ll never see it. Which is why im not afraid to say that I still love you. I still want you. I miss you.

K so im just gonna be totally honest. I still love you. I’ve loved you since June 26th 2016, and I’m probs gonna love you till the day I get married. I gave way too much of myself to you, and I’m never gonna get that back. That part of me will remain with you forever, and since it’s with you, I can’t stop thinking about you. About how we used to cuddle when you came over. How I would fall asleep with a smile on my face cause I knew I was dating you. How I could eat, and smile and be happy, and I wouldn’t have to be faking anything. I could be me, and I could be a happy me. But now that you’re gone, that me, that happy me that could be her happy little self, well, she doesn’t exist anymore. That me has been replaced by a sad, self-deprecating, self-loathing me that wants to die. One that can’t smile or be happy, or laugh, or have fun without having to fake it, because I everything I do reminds me of you, and how much I miss you.

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