I have thought about writing this to you since the day I left. I have gone over it so many times in my head and I still am unsure if this is the best thing for me to do. I know you won’t keep it to yourself, share it with whomever will listen, you would add things to it, or just give information so it seems I am the bat shit crazy one begging and pleading for you to take me back. Please know I am not wanting a reply, not wanting any type of acknowledgement.
This is what I need to close the wound, to mend, to understand what I need to do to leave you as apart of my yesterdays. I do not want to bring you into the life I am trying to build. I do not even want to acknowledge you or what we were after I finish writing this letter.
I fell in love with you, someone I did not truly even know. I allowed you into my home, my heart and my soul. I trusted you with both of my daughters and their lives and it seems none of us were not worth your time. I put you before my daughters, I allowed you to come into our life and walk away with no feeling of guilt, remorse or heart break. I gave you all of me, mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally this is more than I have ever given to anyone.
I allowed you to control my whole world, hoping you would no longer doubt my loyalty and commitment to you. After leaving you I had to recognize how much of “US” destroyed me, and for the first time in my life I contemplated leaving everything and everyone behind including walking away from the two people I cherish more than life itself. I was ready to end me more than I already had.
You showed up with 2 suitcases, a dog, a tool box and an armful of belongings. You had no possessions worth fighting for, you left behind your playstation and any other possessions which I believed was yours. Then I realized you didn’t own the things that were in the basement suite. They came with the suite.
You have the bed I slept in, the couch, the kitchen table and chairs where I made meals and spent time with you and my girls. I left these things for you, because that is what a good person does. The dressers, the end tables, the mass amounts of my personal possessions I left there for you, the blankets and a set of sheets on my bed. I left these things which will keep you safe, warm and happy so you can continue your relationship and the life you were already creating without me.
I left you with more than you came into my life with, were you entitled to you it, I don’t believe so, we were not common law, you lived in my house which I lived in for over 9 years, you never financially contributed more than a thousand dollars in a months’ time. I have gone threw every bank statement seen where you deposited and withdrew more than half at that moment and then either spent or withdrew 95% of a cheque within days. Please remember you were two months behind on your basement suite before you started staying with me, and you still had a lease until Oct. 2016. We can look over the month of August of 2017 and you were so happy about working and making a grand every few days yet you couldn’t bring home a cheque for two weeks so I could buy food. Yet you could buy other things and meet her halfway.
I have learnt a lot about myself since we parted ways. I have learnt that it takes a lot to anger me, it takes a lot for me to be vengeful and today I am thankful I did not allow you or anyone else the opportunity to anger me enough to be vicious or hurtful as the words you have said about me or took the time and wrote about me. I hope that one day, something will make you honestly look at what our relationship was like, the truth will be seen, and then maybe you will have even just for a moment a feeling of remorse.
I did everything you asked of me, and even more. I did not see any other persons besides you, I did not want too or even attempt too fuck anyone else besides you. I gave you everything you wanted and needed, and for that I am taking responsibility in the failure of our relationship. Please remember I am mature enough to walk past you without a word spoken, I can swallow my frustration and hurt enough so if we end up at the same event it would not be uncomfortable for either of us. I would hope you can have the same respect towards me and my daughters.
Can you please stop contacting my daughters friends, my friends the ones I had before I met you.
My life with you is over, the memories will fade. Knowing that I am more than capable to build a new life and move forward. I have started over before, you are not my first lesson you just happen to be the one who has left the biggest bruise.
Take Care of Miley and Yourself.
All the Best… Good Bye… Liz